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Engage your subconscious - stop paying attention May 16, 2007

Posted by Niels in : How to, Personal , 5 comments

learn_language_subconscious.jpgIt’s easier for me to learn a new language if I’m doing something else at the same time. I realized this strange fact while on the road in Italy. I was listening to the Pimsleur Italian lessons while I was packing my suitcases and realized that I had faster recall of the phrases when my mind was occupied with something else.

By engaging my conscious mind with, say, packing my bags, or sorting my email, it falls upon my subconscious to pay attention to the language lessons. I don’t learn as quickly - I make more mistakes and occasionally I’ll have to listen to a lesson twice. But I recall the words and phrases much much faster. To the point where I think sometimes, “Where did that come from?” When I learn the language consciously, I have to sit for five or ten seconds to remember a word, or God forbid, some sort of mnemonic mechanism. But when I apply my subconscious to the language learning, words pop into my head automatically, just like when I’m speaking English. And the fact that my laundry is getting folded while I’m learning French is a nice bonus.

Your thoughts?

Random babysitting tip: how to keep a kid quiet May 11, 2007

Posted by Niels in : How to , 3 comments

A friend of a friend has a gig babysitting for a professor’s kid after school. She takes him to the park, gives him something sugary and lets him run around until he wears himself out. Then it’s back home for the inevitable sugar crash and a quiet evening. Brilliant! Now all I need is someone to trust me with their children.

Your thoughts?

Ask Niels: How can I break up my best friend’s engagement? May 4, 2007

Posted by Niels in : How to, Other , 10 comments


Niels,

I have a HUGE problem. My best friend (who is a girl) is currently in a long term relationship of three years. I am very interested in dating her unfortunately I cannot make a move because she has a boyfriend. This girl is my best friend and people often say that I am with her more than she is with her boyfriend. Except I am just a friend who is a boy, and not the boyfriend. I have been waiting for them to break up or at least have a rocking moment in their relationship but it has not happened yet. Worst of all yesterday she told me that she plans to be engaged by next year and graduate college in two years (we are both freshman but she did post-secondary). So now it feels like I am working against a clock. I do not want to be one of those people that runs into the alter on wedding day and yells “nooooooooooooo, you can’t marry him. I love you.” I know a lot of people would say if you love her, you would just want her to be happy. Except I do love her and do want her to be happy just with me. Is that selfish? Niels I am sure that this is not a normal question but I still hope you can help me steal her away and stop the engagement.

Joel

First and foremost, keep your mouth shut. Girls are about 1000 times more socially aware than you are. She already knows you like her.

If it was meant to be between the two of you, it will happen eventually. In the meantime, learn to be the most attractive version of yourself so you don’t miss the opportunity a second time. And don’t ever try sneaking your way into a girl’s heart again by becoming her best friend first and then pulling the old “bait-and-switch”.

Your thoughts?

Ask Niels: Who am I to impose myself on other people? May 1, 2007

Posted by Niels in : How to, Other , 1 comment so far


Hi Niels,

To be good at this (meeting women, pickup, etc.), you have
to practice.

But practice means approaching strangers.

And here is my sticking point: I can’t get over the sense that approaching complete strangers (who have not invited me) for a conversation is just very rude.

Who am I to impose my presence on groups of people who are out enjoying themselves just because there is some cutie among them?

So this sort of thing is keeping me from practicing these skills. Any ideas to help me out of this?

Cheers,

Hugh

The right attitude can make a huge difference when learning a new skill, and I can see why you’re struggling. You’re right, approaching strangers with the intention of starting a conversation with them, or stealing some cutie away, is rather presumptive. So don’t.

When you meet a stranger or a group of strangers, your only goal should be to make them smile. Cause them to have a better night because of you. Focus on that, because if you can’t do that, you’re never going get a conversation going, let alone get to know their cute friend.

So get out there and make a stranger smile! It’s not that hard. If you can’t do it yet, find someone to help you learn.

Your thoughts?

Signs a relationship is over April 29, 2007

Posted by Niels in : How to, Other, Personal , 13 comments


Sitting in the water bus last night, I overheard the young couple next to me talking. They still had their suitcases and had clearly just arrived in Venice. The girl was doing most of the talking. “Look! That’s incredible.” “We’re finally here.” “This is so weird.” “It’s pretty at night.” The guy mostly just agreed and nuzzled her. “Look at that couple on the balcony,” she said. “It’s so romantic.” The guy just held her closer. “Do you think these balconies ever collapse?” she asked. “That would be awful.”

Despite their kissing, this relationship is over. And it’s blatant. Do you see it? She’s only in it for the money.

I listened and cringed. The girl was so dominant and the guy was so clueless. He could have come off so much more confident with just a bit of banter about how high-maintenance she was, or her being a peeping tom, or how she needs more romance and less death in her life. But instead, he just sat there lifeless and submissive as she continued testing him, hoping for some kind of a confident response.

Those fifteen seconds of conversation laid out the entire relationship. She’s probably the hottest girl he’s ever dated, he doesn’t know how to handle her, and he’s paying for this trip to Venice because he thinks that’s how to keep her. And in a way he’s right, but the money he’s likely hemorrhaging on her is only prolonging the inevitable.

Was I jumping to conclusions? Perhaps a bit hasty? The ticket collector came by ten minutes later and without a moment’s hesitation the guy pulled out his wallet and paid for both tickets. It was like a reflex reaction.

The kisses they were stealing during the ride couldn’t hide the fact that the relationship is doomed. And I’m afraid it’s going to be an expensive lesson.

Your thoughts?