How to get out of a crowded concert September 17, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to , 1 comment so farWaiting in a huge crowd tonight to get out of a concert, Alexandra and I heard a guy behind us yelling “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!” as he weaved his way through the crowd. As he passed us he stopped, grinned, and whispered, “you get out faster if you yell ‘oh my god’.” And with that, he was off again. “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!”
Your thoughts?Why “levels of pickup mastery” is a dumb idea August 14, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Dating coach, How to, Personal , 5 commentsI love the idea of a community of men working together to improve their social skills, rediscover their masculinity, and deepen their understanding of relationships. I love the fact that those who grew up without strong male role models in their life can now search for them among their peers. But it’s so frustrating to me whenever I see the misogyny, insecurity, and general weirdness that still permeates the “seduction community”. There’s so much potential for positive social change and yet time and time again I see healthy attitudes losing the battle in a sea of creepiness.
I found the following on a bulletin board, the poster is talking about “levels of pickup mastery”. Ignore the weird creepy jargon, or just take it as another red flag that the poster has lost his way…
So courtesy Mystery i’m setting up some levels (all of them are based on skillset - the results are just a means of measurement).
Yellow Belt (basically rAFC) - gets his ass kicked.
I’m sure all the guys can relate to the fact that though being a rAFC is >> being an AFC. you still get your ass kicked.Green Belt - can pull a day 2 with a HB8+ any given fortnight he chooses.
Explanation: fortnight means that in the time period of two weeks you can convince a HB8+ to meet you again, in an isolated
situation. (it should be obvious that a f-close >> day 2).Orange Belt - can pull a day 2 with a HB8+ any given week. Also has f-closed atleast a B7.5 using ASF skillset. This level is the same as GPUA level.
Red Belt - can f-close a HB8+ any given month.
Explanation: A red belt decides that in may he’s gonna f-close a hb8+, and starting May 1st, by the end of May he’s done it.
Brown Belt - can f-close a HB8+ any given fortnight.
Black Belt - can f-close a HB8+ any given week.
Explanation: Cold Approach to f-close must be within a week.
Regardless of Logistics.
Black Belt - PUA Level. This is the exact same as PUA level in ASF.
You know what?
Who cares?
Who cares whether you’re an AFC or a PUA or an XYZ or an MZQ? Who cares if you’ve slept with 2 girls or 200? Are you seriously saying that if someone sleeps with a new girl every week he is in some way “better” than someone who sleeps with a new girl every two weeks?
There’s only one question that matters in all of this, and that is: Are you happy? I’m satisfied with the knowledge that I can create any kind of relationship I can imagine. Whatever makes me the happiest, I can go out and make it part of my life.
Put a guy in front of me. I don’t care how hot the girls he’s shagging are. I don’t care how comfortable he is in bars. I don’t even care if he can cold approach. If he has everything he wants and is happy with his life, then he’s achieved mastery.
Trying to impose some arbitrary ranking system for “who has improved themselves more” is an exercise in futility. Don’t let other people tell you “Oh, you can’t or be happy unless you can get a new girl every week.” Or, “You can’t be happy unless you’re having sex with strippers.” Or, “You can’t be happy unless you’re having regular threesomes.”
Ask yourself, what do I need to be happy? Because once you’ve lost sight of that then caring about “levels of pickup mastery” is no different than getting excited about your level 60 elf paladin on Everquest.
Your thoughts?Ask Niels: Why am I scared to talk to girls? July 12, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Ask Niels, Dating coach, How to , add a comment
I have a quick question. Often with very attractive girls, I treat them as if they are smarter, more judgemental, funner, etc. than less attractive girls. This often leads to me being intimidated by them, because i put their reputation on a pedestal. I’m sure that I will also be very dissapointed with my beliefs once I meet more very attractive girls. How do you change your mindset so that you are not intimidated by very attractive girls? Maybe even something you say to yourself just before you go into approach them.
-MD
Hi MD - You’re absolutely right. As you meet more very attractive girls, you will discover that physical attractiveness does not necessarily correspond to how smart or fun they are. Or how successful they will be in life. That hot girl you see in the bar - where is she going to be 30 years from now vs. where you’re going to be 30 years from now? Looking at it that way, the pedestal that society puts beautiful women on begins to look kinda silly. So reduce your approach anxiety by taking the focus off the results of your interactions. Go out with only the intention of having fun. Smile like an idiot. Bob your head and think, “Yeah yeah yeah…” to yourself. Slap your ass. You can’t be nervous when you’re having fun.
Your thoughts?Learn language through movies July 10, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to, Personal , 2 commentsA few days ago, a friend explained a fascinating, painless technique he uses to learn languages. Everyone suggests learning languages by watching foreign movies, but he’s broken it down in a really interesting way. First, watch the movie with subtitles on, a few times, until you really grasp what’s going on. Then watch it without subtitles. THEN, turn the movie on in the background while you go about your daily business - washing dishes, packing, doing laundry, etc. Listen to it in the background over and over. Eventually, your mind will pick up on the sounds and start replaying the movie in your head, and you’ll connect the dialogue with the meaning. It’s almost as good as osmosis! Time for me to get the French movie Diva…
Your thoughts?Why do women respond better to teasing than to compliments? July 3, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Ask Niels, Dating coach, How to , 1 comment so far
Hey Niels-
Why do women respond better to teasing than to compliments?
Cam
Actually, I’d say that women don’t really respond to either. What women respond to is confidence. But it just so happens that playful teasing and compliments are both ways to powerfully display your confidence - or lack thereof.
Teasing, done poorly, makes you a jerk. Or it can highlight your own insecurity as you try to knock down someone you think is cooler than you. But playful teasing, done well, hits someone where they’re strong, rather than where they’re weak. Make fun of the girl who’s the life of the party because she never gets out of the library. Laugh at the triathlete for being a couch potato. Done well, playful teasing brings you closer to someone else. It says, “I’m not intimidated by you, and in fact we’re so close that we can laugh at each other.” And when I say laugh at each other I mean it - be prepared, because the fun girls will throw it right back at you!
Compliments, too, can be given well, or poorly. Imagine you’re the bouncer at a club and someone tells you he likes your jacket. You thank him and he asks if he can come into the club now. It takes all the meaning away from the compliment because he was just trying to get something from you. Everyone, male or female, responds poorly to a compliment that reeks of neediness. When you compliment a woman just because you want to talk to her, or kiss her, or sleep with her, your insecurities bubble right to the surface. “I don’t feel like I’m good enough to talk to you, but if I give you a compliment, will you pay attention to me?”
A well-delivered comment has no expectations. It is given confidently, with no more than a genuine desire to make someone else’s day a little bit better. And it just so happens that when you can do that, both men and women respond powerfully.
As always, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
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