How to tell if a girl is a slut August 20, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Life, the universe, and everything, Other, Personal , trackbackThere are a number of ideals that I strive for in my relationships. “Be honest.” “Leave her better than you found her.” But there is one that is bigger and more important than any other, and that is, “Always protect her from judgment.”
There is no comparable label for men that causes them to lose all social value the way the label “slut” does for women. And it is absolutely your responsibility to make sure that label is never, ever attached to a girl you date.
Maybe one day we will acknowledge that women have the same desires men do. But until that day comes (this is only the twenty-first century, after all), I suppose all I can do is get really angry at those who insist on clinging to an archaic method of controlling women’s behavior through an intricate system of societal judgments.
An excerpt from a recent message board post. My response follows.
I mean, who the fuck are these girls that let you sleep with them the first night, even if you suspect they don’t normally do so (and how can you be so sure…)?
Most girls will sleep with the right guy within a time frame that would blow your mind. You what usually prevents them from doing so? Assholes like you who hold them to a societal double standard that removes all their social value if they actually give in to their desires. You douchebag.
Who do you think you are to judge a girl based on how quickly she was swept off her feet? You know why the girls you date wait a while to sleep with you? You’re not selecting some from batch of “pristine”, “morally-enabled” girls. They just understand that giving in to what both of you actually want would sabotage the relationship because you’re a holier-than-thou judgmental dick. When a girl meets you, your behavior communicates, “I’m a guy who doesn’t understand women, put me on the one-month plan or slower.”
I can tell just from the way you write. “let you sleep with them”? Sex is not some hidden treasure on a pedestal that women keep locked away from all the unworthy men who try to steal it away from them.
Guess what? That exact same girl will put a less-judgmental man on the sub-one-day plan. Because she knows she can be herself with him, be honest with him, and if she is so into him that she gives him the opportunity for an incredible shared experience much sooner than other guys, she knows he won’t throw it back in her face by sitting on his high cloud and calling her a slut. Screw you.
Comments»
Awesome post
Yes, it is poor of men to be judgmental and apply a double standard. (which is very not new, but not as bad as it used to be in Western culture. Read Tess of the D’Ubervilles by Hardy to see how bad it was.) However there are a lot of girls and women out there who will NOT sleep with a boyfriend for a VERY LONG TIME no matter how nice and nonjudgmental he is. In fact, I know quite a few people who simply refuse to have sex until marriage due to moral and/or health concerns. If a girl does not want to sleep with a guy, it is not necessarily due to her fear that the guy will judge her.
Your postings are hilarious, as well as thoughtful and to the point. Main point is that your entries are a delight to read during my hours of work study this summer! Anyhow I was wondering if you can give me some advice for how a girl can get a guy. I had a crush on this guy for almost an year now, I actually told him and in all my flusterness I told him “I have the biggest crush on him” and “I think its better to be friends”. Yea, I think I screwed myself over but I did not want to put him in a akward position. I really like him and its driving me crazy. I think I might have what wikipedia calls “love-shyness”. But so far the summer has lessen the umm “limerance” and as time pass I’m beginning to get over it. But there are relapse. And I really want something to happen because I think he’s really cool. Gee its just hard because I’m turning 20 in a matter of months and never had an relationship. Is there no hope?
Wow that is a rant…I guess the main question is ‘what is the art of attraction’ for females?
I’m probably missing the point here, but you didn’t explain how to tell if somebody is a slut.
I agree that the term “slut” shouldn’t be applied to women who simply put out quickly. But I do think it appropriately applies to people who sleep around and don’t tell their partners - or mislead their partners into thinking the relationship is exclusive. An equally negative label should be applied to men who do the same.
Great post!
OMG - I didn’t think I could adore you any more, then I read this!!
@Jumanji
Yeah, it does sound like you missed the point. At least you know that. :)
And really, the girl you describe is not a slut. She’s a cheater. A liar. It has nothing to do with sex, it’s about the dishonesty. Take sex out of the equation, remove the power from that stupid word, and start making judgements based upon things that really matter, like honesty and integrity.
Have fun with your slut! Someday she’ll come home with an STD and give it to you.
Safi, you are just jealous because you never get laid.
dr. cheryl, I heard having sex with you was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.
fabulously original.
becuase sluts like you are common.
Not sure if i’m missing the point here. I am more judgemental if a woman makes me wait to have sex, than if she puts out after a couple dates. Sex should NOT be used as currency and in america it is.
If men ever manage to get past their homophobia, women are in trouble. Men would realize that if you want a glass of milk you dont have to buy the whole cow.
The real problem stems from america’s perception that sex is bad and anybody who is having it is immoral.
26 guys in 6 years and shes only 19!!! 16 before she had her kid when she was 15!!! and 10 more after…AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF SHE LIED ABOUT IT! I mean its nothing to be proud of, but damn to keep lying for 9 months to a person you “love”…unacceptable…heres the stats
13-the age she started having sex
26-Guys she has slept with (not including guys she had oral or etc)
16-Number of guys before she was 15
15-Age she had her kid
10-Number of guys she has been with AFTER her kid
18-Number of guys she slept with that were NOT her Boyfriend
18-Number of dudes she slept with within 1 week of knowing
2-Number of real relationships
4-Number of guys she cheated on her first relationship with
9-Number of moths that she lied repeatedly about her “conquest”
1-Dumbass who thought he could change her
The girl who wrote this article is clearly a slut.
Women do not get swept off their feet when they sleep on the first night with a guy. DONT BULLSHIT ME AND EVERYONE HERE WITH THIS BULL SHIT.
Girls sleep with guys either for money, because they are incredibly good looking or because they felt their big dick, and finaly the girl being slight drunk ( which is no excuse for giving yourself to anyone).
Im a good looking guy, and girls give their bodies to me every weekend and I do not even treat them properly. Most of them come back to see me and I even keep them as booty calls. It is unbeleivable to see how ALL types of girls can fuck 1 guy… But not all types of guys can fuck 1 girl.
This is why women are different from us…. there are three types of women in this world… the slut .. the bitch .. and the good type….GUess what ?…you are the slut and the bitch.
Oh. I assumed that “Niels” was a man’s name. Shows what I know, “pussy pimp”. I’ve turned down plenty of rich or good-looking guys, and I don’t care about dick-size. Intelligence is my turn-on of choice, which is why I wouldn’t fuck someone like you.
Personally, I appreciate this article. I think it’s true, for the most part– people are too willing to call a girl a slut if she enjoys sex. Then again, there are girls who don’t necessarily enjoy it, but are promiscuous because of esteem issues– I’ve known a few. They’re the kind who sleep with people like “pp”, because they don’t realize that they’re allowed to have standards.
I love sex, but I’m willing to do without if I don’t find someone who meets my standards. If they do, I don’t play games– why make difficult what we both want? It’s why my most recent one-night stand is now my friend in good standing. It’s a matter of choice, and making your choices for the right reasons.
hey
i really like this article
why should a man who gives himself away who will allow himself to be fucked by anything is a skirt is not loose, fast, slut, but would like to brag about is something i cant understand
in fact i would not appreciate a woman doing the same either
but in either case its their choice
what really gets to me is the fact that labels like these are not only put on by men but by women too
oftener maybe
and i know i have been guilty of it too
thankfully not anymore
everyone has a right to take or not take things forward at their own pace
pressurising either way is wrong
I have to agree wit the person who posted about a girl cheating and number of guys she slept with. I look for quality in a girl, dont get it twisted I could sleep with many girls if I wanted but I choose not too, because I dont want to catch a std, I dont want to have a bad rep as a guy and I want a stabvle relationship wit one chick that is honest, loving and that I wouldnt mind sharing the world with. But lately the one girl I thought I could do that with has been called some pretty bad names and i heard rumors about her cheating, to make matters worse we were best friends before we started dating, and we still are and we have alot of fun together but that dont change the fact that there are rumors around and that she may have cheated. Someone who is willing to throw away a friendship, jeopordize the life of someone who whole heartedly loves them all for the cheap thrills of sex with multiple people is definately a slut. And to even it out a man can be a slut also. And no matter the gender a slut is a slut n is only good for one thing, in a relationship it aint worth the heartache
SLUTS, SLUTS, SLUTS!!! hahaha…I am only joking.
Here is the legend:
BITCH - a woman or man that doesnt understand and/or act to become a better person.
WHORE - a woman or man that use their ass to earn money or similar financial values.
SLUT - a woman or man that slept with too many people…(how many is too many?…I`d say 3.)
LYING SLUT - a woman or man that slept with too many people and then said that they did it in a name of love.
Thats all folks…that was a definiton of slut…among all else…so, you gotta ask yourself a question: “Am I a slut?”…answer is…you probably are…especially if you`re a woman…hahahaha
There is a double standard because women and men desire and demand different things from sexual encounters. Going way, way, way back, women wanted stability and help raising her offspring. That requires ONE, stable partner. Her genes are therefore designed to desire certain traits and actions that will bring that.
A man is designed to spread his seed, to give his genes the best evolutionary advantage. At some point in society, it became beneficial for him to help raise his offspring, but that doesn’t stop his desire to spread his seed, even if another man happened to help raise it.
Learn some evolutionary psychology, you stupid dyke. Women and men are not the same, even in the 21st century.
In other contexts, I would agree with Justin’s assertion that men and women aren’t the same, but it’s ridiculous in this context. Women enjoy sex just as much as guys do, and they don’t always need an emotional connection with their partners. Just because women are supposed to just want one partner doesn’t mean they do. If that were true, most women would remain virgins until they were married, pop out a few kids and then never have sex again. Obviously, most women don’t do that.
The term “slut” can ruin a girl’s reputation, relationships, and self-esteem, whether it’s true or not.
Damaged goods are damaged goods!
If you want to be “shared” by many, then go ahead…but dont you dare to demand from someone to respect you cos that train is never coming back…what ever you do, be prepared to play the ball to the end, there is no switching teams, like most people on this planet are trying to do, especially girls…problem is that women are pushing men to act in a way they dont want to act…and at the end, men are treating girls like sluts and sex objects, cos they really are only that…expendable assets…no purity, no heart, no soul…only flesh…
Conclusion: I really am a homofob and that crap really makes me uneasy, but living with women isnt a solution either…something is really wrong with this place and all pure things start to fade back to our dreams.
I totally agree with justin and the last few posts. Aside from what they say, I believe that the more men a women has sex with the lower her value becomes. Women only want to call us ignorant and say we are closed minded because they don’t want to justify their actions, and what us to think its perfectly acceptable. And those who accept a woman like that as an equal partner for a serious relationship are only lowering themselves.
If a woman waited to have sex with the perfect man she would probably be a virgin until she was eighty-two, to be exact. At a certain point a woman may just want to get the act over with. Or do you men prefer the woman to stay a virgin. Then of course when you meet a virgin you are all freaked out thinking how strange she is and why hasn’t she had sex before. Hello, you were never good enough to have sex with in the first place. So the woman may go ahead and have sex anyway. She may go through quite a bit of heartbreak just learning how to grap this concept of the importance in making a guy wait. But you guys are not women and don’t understand the perspective. A woman may be extremely particular and selective; however, if she has sex to soon she in the man’s eyes is a slut. It is quite sad. Whatever, I guess some women have to learn the hard way. And some men will never get over the fact that they hate their mothers and/or cannot forgive an ex girlfriend or wife.
Dude you’re fucking retarded.
“It is absolutely your responsibility to make sure that label is never, ever attached to a girl you date.”
I’m calling bullshit right here. We don’t live in a world purely dominated by men anymore, and the smartest minds in society see that and understand clearly the power a woman can have over a man today.
There’s sexism on all sides, there’s liars on both sides. And there are sluts on both sides. Okay?
Nothing wrong with a person that has more than one sexual partner, but definitely there’s something wrong when say, you’re trying to obtain a new one, and you don’t tell him that there’s this other guy (who she used to date when she was younger) you were fucking only a week before you had sex, and while she was fucking him she was breaking off a date she was supposed to have with you AND she was feeling sorry because some other guy she was fucking stood her up in the same night!
Ya dig?
sluts get angry when I be a slut. so they are just messed up in the head and nothing more.
I’m a total fucking SLUT!!! ^_^
I didn’t know that guys are the reason that girls don’t have sex fast, but actually want to. I love have sex with different girls. I don’t want to be the one discouraging them, I want to encourage them to have sex with me.
great article.
I ll use your technic.
Its very intelligent to insult some people so you look more outrageous.
Hey I need some help,my girl is 16,I am 17,she is the only girl I’ve had sex with,!ut she has had sex with………get this…..10 PPL!!!and I found that out from her we’ve been dating 4 months and we have sex rugularly….I can’t stop thinking about thos guys….she says she regrets more than half of them and one of them was while she was with me!!what do I do????
I consider sluts the same among men and women. The thing that aggravates me the most is the conclusions people make reducing sex to a casual thing. Sex shouldn’t be casual unless you are in a developed relationship. When you say you have casual sex is like saying you are casually risking procreation and/or STDs. Doesn’t matter how much precaution you have(more is better), there is risk involved. Pornographers notoriously can’t hold a partner long while working in the business. Why? It’s because sex is passion to be shared not with just anyone.
Caveat: I’ll be blunt. A slut is a woman who has no sense of shame or self-respect when it comes to sexual self-gratification and does not consider any social consequence or effect upon herself or others of her sexual promiscuity. There is something psychologically or psychiatrically impaired in the mind of the slut that does not allow her to see beyond the instant gratification of her sexual drive, no ethical or moral sense of restraint whatsover, she something like an instinctual animal with no inhibition. A slut in addition is a moral and social retard in a noteworthy sense and most probably has some kind of borderline mental retardation problem. There is definitely something abnormal and sociopathic about sluts I’ve fucked enough of them to notice certain constant patterns in their behavioural and psychological makeup. The worst kind is the manipulative liar. All others are simply social retards with no sense of responsibility or duty to themselves or to others and are victims of their unbridled sexual drive. But all sluts are shameless and incorrigible sex automantons, to be avoided and shunned as discreetly and politely as possible for your own sake. They are simply not worth your time or effort. They are a net loss.
I never thought of a girl as being a slut for fucking the first night, its when she goes off to fuck her ex, thats what brought up the red flag. Also like iznogold said, when my girl as slutting off she was misleading me into thinking we were exclusive, I even kept asking her if she didnt want to be, but rather than let me do what i wanted she made me feel jealous and even guilty, she manitpulated me to make herself feel better. She is a slut!
I wanna fuck the girl who wrote this
As young guy I was a shy -slightly below average height- average looking so I did not get much in way of female companionship. I had to watch as roommates, co-workers and acquaintances sleep their way for fifteen years straight on average. I struggled just to establish a relationship with the least desirable girls who thought that I was not even good looking or aggressive enough for them because they were the habitual weekend mopads of ball players, drunk frat guys and touring musicians. I experienced humiliating rejection and abuse that wounded me terribly.
My two main relationships ended badly. One cheated on me while I was overseas working 14 hour days in a godforsaken camp in the desert to afford a better lifestyle for her. She took me for all I got and told me that I was lousy lay when I confronted her. The 2nd one was an abusive and manipulative woman who wanted me to take care of her and her kids from different fathers and made serious threats when I did not want to marry her. I had to change jobs and leave the state before the cops she was screwing set me up for a bad fall.
Lacking a relationship, I worked, saved and seriously invested myself into a very comfortable position by my early thirties. I have a receding hairline and I am not as fit as I once was, but I have many more options these days. Many single moms and even young college girls who want a sugardady try to get with me.
The years of bitterness developed from rejection, abuse and betrayal have turned me off. I know that there are good faithful women my age but they all have long been taken. Sluts disgust me and what do I really have in common with them? They only want my money and they think that I would be welling to pay a lot just to have my turn with them for the things they gave and give away freely to every dude they fancy. I reject them and they just can not believe it. Some indignant ones called me a loser,a f*g, a child molester, small d*cked because I look at them like a rotten sandwich with maggots running all over it. I say thank goodness for a declining libido.
I was born dirt poor, had little of any kind of pleasure in this world, but I am strangely at peace. The funny thing is that most aging sluts that I encounter are miserable and more bitter than I ever was.
Maybe you should check out yourpartnerspartners.com, Its a website that will let you know who your partner has been with if they are up there.
I use to date this girl and I found a pack of condoms in her room. I didn’t really gudge her at first but then she txted me and asked me if I wanted to fuck and she asked me that almost every day and the I knew she was a slut
The only reason why I got to this website- is because I just read Steve Harvey’s book ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.’ To be quite honest, I have had quite a few random acts of sex. I think my marriage is ending because my husband never truly fell in love with me. My point is that from a woman’s perspective: I slept with random men because I was f’ing horny. Not because I wanted anything from them. I love sex. I think a lot of women do, but we have to hold back or we look like whores. Not fair. I would never sleep with a man on a first date if I really liked him and respected him. I have only USED men for sex. These men were hot, but I didn’t respect them. Period.
what is this yourpartnerspartners.com site?
I think this Damn society needs to get over the fear of sexuality and get Fucking sexual! A girl/guy is ONLY a slut if s/he sleeps with random people. But who the fuck cares? Why should someones sexuality and who and how they like to fuck, matter to any of you judgemental pussies? If you like apples, eat them! If you like oranges, eat them! But don’t be a Fucking hater! Peace