Why do women respond better to teasing than to compliments? July 3, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to, Other , trackback
Hey Niels-
Why do women respond better to teasing than to compliments?
Cam
Actually, I’d say that women don’t really respond to either. What women respond to is confidence. But it just so happens that playful teasing and compliments are both ways to powerfully display your confidence - or lack thereof.
Teasing, done poorly, makes you a jerk. Or it can highlight your own insecurity as you try to knock down someone you think is cooler than you. But playful teasing, done well, hits someone where they’re strong, rather than where they’re weak. Make fun of the girl who’s the life of the party because she never gets out of the library. Laugh at the triathlete for being a couch potato. Done well, playful teasing brings you closer to someone else. It says, “I’m not intimidated by you, and in fact we’re so close that we can laugh at each other.” And when I say laugh at each other I mean it - be prepared, because the fun girls will throw it right back at you!
Compliments, too, can be given well, or poorly. Imagine you’re the bouncer at a club and someone tells you he likes your jacket. You thank him and he asks if he can come into the club now. It takes all the meaning away from the compliment because he was just trying to get something from you. Everyone, male or female, responds poorly to a compliment that reeks of neediness. When you compliment a woman just because you want to talk to her, or kiss her, or sleep with her, your insecurities bubble right to the surface. “I don’t feel like I’m good enough to talk to you, but if I give you a compliment, will you pay attention to me?”
A well-delivered comment has no expectations. It is given confidently, with no more than a genuine desire to make someone else’s day a little bit better. And it just so happens that when you can do that, both men and women respond powerfully.
As always, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
Comments»
”Actually, I’d say that women don’t really respond to either. What women respond to is confidence.”
Awesome answer Niels!
Cam