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Bui restaurant in Berkeley June 21, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Links, Personal , 1 comment so far

Ate dinner at Bui (formerly Saigon City) restaurant in Berkeley tonight. The food is delicious, particularly the banana flower salad, but the best part of the meal was chatting with the chef and owner, Patrick Bui, afterwards. He was a mechanical engineer for Bechtel and at age 34 left to follow his lifelong dream of being a chef. He said the first few years were the hardest, going from a six-figure salary to making about $8 an hour. But, he says, those years are like a test. If you make it through, you can be successful doing something you’re passionate about. Those are the stories I love hearing because they reassure me that I’m going to be ok.

Your thoughts?

My interview in Kiplinger’s Personal finance June 20, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Beauty and the Geek, Magazine, Other, Personal , 3 comments

Kiplinger Personal Finance magazine profiled me in this month’s issue. Unfortunately, all you can get online is the blurb: “From Engineering Geek to Dating Coach: A PhD student in electrical engineering changes direction after a stint on the reality TV show Beauty and the Geek.” But if you swing by your local bookstore, you can check me out on the last page of the July 2007 issue. I do have to say, it was a great experience working with a photographer who was working to make me look cool rather than geeky.

Your thoughts?

How fast should I be learning? June 20, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Other , add a comment

[excerpt from a students question] The testimonials all imply that by now I should have a harem of three hot girls I rotate through, or something like that. I know that they’re all marketing bullshit anyway, but I can’t help feeling that I should be doing better than I am. Should I be applying myself more? In what way?

Don’t be concerned with your rate of progress. I’ve had students come through who learn this way faster than I did. Some of them are better than me now. People learn at different rates based on their backgrounds, their natural abilities, and how much of their life outside pickup they’re willing to give up.

The only thing that is important is this: Are you making progress? Are you doing things this month that you weren’t doing last month? If the answer is yes, then you’re moving towards your goals. It doesn’t matter how small the steps are, if you’re moving towards your goals, you’ll get there.

Your thoughts?

Back in Berkeley June 19, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Personal , 1 comment so far


I love Paris, but it’s tough traveling three weeks of every month. It’s good to be coming back, there’s no place like home.

Your thoughts?

To win or Toulouse: Working the room when you don’t speak the language June 18, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Beauty and the Geek, How to, Other, Personal , 4 comments

I had a fantastic time in Toulouse. It feels smaller than any big city I’ve ever been in. I spent a few days wandering around downtown Toulouse with a former student and never would have guessed that it’s the fourth-largest city in France (behind Paris, Lyon, and Marseilles, just so you know).

My last night was the most fun. A nice dinner (Oh God, baked Camembert with fig is so good. And so is duck - aguillettes de canard, ou magrete de canard… mmm…), followed by a meeting with the “Toulousian Artists’ Club”. I met ten pretty cool guys (only a few of whom spoke English, so it was interesting), all working to become more comfortable in social settings and more successful with women. We talked for a while and everyone wanted to hear my take on the process. They’ve been reading a lot of community stuff - magic tricks and routines and all that jazz, and most of them were really receptive to the idea that there is another way. I enjoyed having such an enthusiastic audience - it’s nice to be appreciated.

Afterwards a few of us went out to a French bar. I’ve never worked a room in another language, but I think I figured it out. Lots of expressiveness, lots of facial expression, and an enthusiastic, “Bonsoir! Hello!” to everyone in the room did the trick. This evening was a personal achievement for me as well, since I’ve been nervous about talking to strangers who don’t speak my language. I don’t want to be the obnoxious American who assumes everyone speaks English, but at the same time - je ne peux pas bien parler francais.

The evening went incredibly well, though. I’d say about 1 in 10 people spoke English, but since they were all in groups, about half the groups I approached had at least one person who would react really well and engage me in conversation. I had girls laughing and touching me, guys buying me drinks, and I was even recognized by some French fans of Beauty and the Geek (they watched it over the internet). Seriously, what are the odds?

So, moral of the story:
1) Fun, friendliness, and body language translate, even if your words don’t.
2) “Hello!” and “I don’t really speak French!” are the only phrases you need to know
3) One day, I will pick up a girl whose language I do not speak at all. And it will be hot.

Photos soon…

Your thoughts?