Address the emotions, not the logic May 19, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to, Other, Personal , trackback
While at the casino in Venice, I saw a couple that lingers in my memory. The woman had just gotten up from the roulette table and her boyfriend came over. “What? You’re not going to bet at all?” “I don’t feel like it,” she said. “Why not?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she said as she walked away from the table.
Wrong response, Captain Logical. How about recognizing that she was intimidated by the fact that she was the only woman at the table and that all the men were betting ten times as much money as she was? How about seeing that she was scared about how you’d react if she lost money? How about noticing that you threaten her femininity by leaving her to fend for herself in a purely male activity?
How about giving her a big hug, calling her silly, and playing a few rounds WITH her so she’s comforted by seeing that it really is just a game to you?
(Note: I do not support gambling without an edge, but if you’re dead set on throwing your money away, there’s no reason to throw your relationship away along with it.)
Comments»
OMG, here we go again.
That’s a move guys will only pull if they are still in the beginning of the relationship [the part where you're still into each other]. Once guys are comfortable in a relationship, it becomes less of a priority to them. Hey, he sees his girl every day. Venice is Venice.
I’m not saying I agree with it - just that it’s human nature simply to take for granted the things you are comfortable with.
I think that you’re trying to get into the head of the girl again, just like your last post about Venice, and again you’re wrong. It’s possible that’s the reaction she would have wanted from her boyfriend but maybe she didn’t want to gamble, and having the guy push her into it would have made her feel even more uncomfortable. (They’re dating, he’s not her father). And even if your interpretation is right, I doubt it was such a serious issue that they’d be throwing away their relationship.
You can’t just watch a couple interact for a couple of minutes and then make these big judgements about them. You have no idea what they’re usually like, or how significant these different events are to them.
and… i’m done with this blog. i don’t know how you’re qualified to give dating advice. maybe you’ve been lucky a couple of times with women because you’ve been on tv.
lol, what an insightful post. i agree.
No, he’s right.
Something that seems so trivial can actually be very telling about the nature of the relationship. It’s indicative of deeper issues.
More guys - more people - should be as analytical of such simple interactions. It wasn’t just about the betting, it was the fact that the boyfriend was completely insensitive to his significant other’s feelings. This does run deeply into the relationship.
Damn Niels, why aren’t there more guys out there like you?
Niels, although you might not be as famous like Dr.Phil and showing up on TV giving dating advices, i think women will appreciate a guy that AT LEAST TRIES to think like you.
And you do realize that the girl’s reactions weren’t the most comfortable, friendliest, it would’ve been nice if the boyfriend decided to have a more conclusive approach as to why she didn’t wanna bet or at least ask her “what’s wrong”
LOL! Neils OMG! How can you , like , say somethig like that! WOmen don’t ,like, funtion on emotions. That’s ,like, so mean to say. Now I’m going to ,like, trash your credibility even though I know nothing about you ……. Coz I dont think I like you.
I would like to thank all the women on this thread for proving to me conclusively how retarded most of you are at giving relationship advice. I bet you tell your male friends “Just be confident! Have fun! If its meant to happen, it’ll happen”.
Guys out there ….. believe this man.He kows what he’s talking about.
I think Neil is right with the title. No matter what the situation, address the emotions more than the logic in romantic relationships. However, the post is filled with assumptions on what the woman wants… and that’s where I’d disagree.
Maybe she has other things on her mind… so it’s better to address THOSE emotions, instead of creating comfort for her to play cards.