Ask Niels: How can I break up my best friend’s engagement? May 4, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to, Other , trackback
Niels,
I have a HUGE problem. My best friend (who is a girl) is currently in a long term relationship of three years. I am very interested in dating her unfortunately I cannot make a move because she has a boyfriend. This girl is my best friend and people often say that I am with her more than she is with her boyfriend. Except I am just a friend who is a boy, and not the boyfriend. I have been waiting for them to break up or at least have a rocking moment in their relationship but it has not happened yet. Worst of all yesterday she told me that she plans to be engaged by next year and graduate college in two years (we are both freshman but she did post-secondary). So now it feels like I am working against a clock. I do not want to be one of those people that runs into the alter on wedding day and yells “nooooooooooooo, you can’t marry him. I love you.” I know a lot of people would say if you love her, you would just want her to be happy. Except I do love her and do want her to be happy just with me. Is that selfish? Niels I am sure that this is not a normal question but I still hope you can help me steal her away and stop the engagement.
Joel
First and foremost, keep your mouth shut. Girls are about 1000 times more socially aware than you are. She already knows you like her.
If it was meant to be between the two of you, it will happen eventually. In the meantime, learn to be the most attractive version of yourself so you don’t miss the opportunity a second time. And don’t ever try sneaking your way into a girl’s heart again by becoming her best friend first and then pulling the old “bait-and-switch”.
Comments»
joel - GFTOW
i’m not sure that “gftow” is a word.
I came up with three responses.
a. “awww! isn’t that cute. I think I’m getting taught a lesson in English vocabulary. Thank you, Miss Desiray!”
b. “apparently you’re not sure how to use teh intarwebs, either”
c. “GFTOW is actually an implementation of the mnemonic device known as the acronym. GFTOW stands for Go Fuck Ten Other Women. It is of PUA (Pick Up Artist) legend that by fucking ten other women, the pickup artist would overcome his oneitis (you can look that one up yourself).”
Since it’s dead in here… I’ll let you choose your own adventure. Choose wisely. I don’t want you pissing yourself off ;)
@joel
I dont think it is good idea to tell him to keep his mouth shut.I think he has to say her that he is in love with her.Maybe she has been interested in him all the time but have been waiting him to make the first move.
Anyway love is an rare commodity,and you cant just let it go away.I also dont think he is putting his friendship in danger,then since she is going to marry someone else.He is going to loose her anyway.
Joel-
is there real wedding plans, ( has she bought the dress and booked a place?) or is just she says, she is going to marry him? Do all of you go to the same college? Is he intimadated by you? Are you thinking about to much and over-evaluting the sitiation? Are you really in love with her, or just in love with the fact you know her so well?
and trust me, dont gftow, she will hate you.
@Nadi
No. He should keep his mouth shut.
You can either be “just friends” or “not be friends at all”; I say cut your losses and don’t turn a not-exactly idea situation into a total loss. Believe me, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
it is true there are plenty of fish out there,but love is a rare commodity.
One should not let it go quietly.It is better to speak and find out what happens…instead to think years later..what if only…???
Dont you think ;-)
If you love something, … set it free.
(Seriously, I’d prefer being “just friends” than not being friends at all due to the awkwardness of each and every future encounter.)
Not to sound offensive here but the way you say it ‘but I still hope you can help me steal her away and stop the engagement.’ it doesn’t sound like you care much of what she thinks. If they are as you say, about to get married the chances of you “stealing” her are slim, and if anything you aren’t going to be stealing her.. she’s going to be going with you. You should’ve made your move awhile ago not when they’re about to get married. It doesn’t sound like you respect her very much and just want to get in her pants if you just wanna “steal her,” if she liked you she would follow you. I think you sound rather repulsive in this situation and yes.. love is a rare commodity but if he thought of it that way he would’ve made his feelings clear for her a while ago not when plans of marriage are starting to come in. My say is to listen to Niel and move on.
Joel,
You could make a move, and risk losing a best friend, or give it up. It sounds like you need to get more women involved in your life and move on. In your mind this is way too important and your “devoted love” to someone you haven’t even dated ever could totally creep her out.
It sucks man, I know. I have been where you are before, and it will hurt more. But the pain will only go away if you realize you can live without her.