More “fan” mail April 10, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Beauty and the Geek , 4 comments
Anyway, the reason I’m typing up this message is to tell you what I’m very sure many people have probably told you already about how fake the show is.
[snip]
But meh who am I kidding you’ll probably just read this and toss it into the trash like all of the other millions of bullshit emails you get from fans.
Sincerely,
David
Pretty much. Thanks for the info, David.
Your thoughts?Ask Niels: Can I be alone and happy? April 9, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to, Other , 5 comments
Ok dating expert- I have one for you. I have thought this possible or I thought I was until someone told me different. I am not too sure why he told me this either. I am singe with child, with my own career. I am pretty frikin happy or so I thought. I came across someone, who wants to have a more intimate relationship with me and I dont feel the same way. He told me that I cant possibly he happy alone and I was just fooling myself.
Do you think you need to be dating, (or even mating w/someone?) to be happy? Is all about romantic relationships? Is that what really makes the world go round? am I delusional? ease my mind here! Its not like if i didn’t meet someone who interested me I wouldn’t want things to go further but I am not going to be with someone, to be with someone.. did I just answer my own question? What is wrong with me? is there something wrong with me?
-Stacey
Actually, not only do I think that you can be alone and happy, I think it’s absolutely essential that you are. So many people are looking for the relationship that will complete them - but that relationship doesn’t exist. If they’re looking for their happiness in another person, they’re looking in the wrong place.
I do eventually want to settle down with an amazing woman, but if it takes me a while to find her, that’s ok with me. There’s no rush for me, and no pressure to settle down before I’m ready, or with the wrong person. I’ve spent long periods of time single and I know I can be happy on my own. On the other end of the spectrum, I have friends who have bounced from relationship to relationship their entire life and never had the opportunity to discover what they were all about as an individual. In all likelihood, they will get married, merge with their partner, and never really know themselves.
Those people who need a relationship to be happy are the ones who become needy, clingy, and co-dependent when they enter one. And those qualities are huge red flags that will send a high-quality, emotionally healthy, independent person like yourself running for the hills.
So Stacey, I think you have exactly the right attitude. Appreciate yourself first. Build a life in which you can be happy alone. Eventually, you will meet someone in the same situation and the two of you will make a conscious decision to share parts of your lives with each other, forming a harmonious union instead of a co-dependent nightmare. You know what makes you happy. Trust yourself.
Your thoughts?Ask Niels: I want to be part of the conversation April 7, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Beauty and the Geek, How to, Other , add a comment
I watched you in the last episode of BATG and noticed a similarity with a problem I am currently having in life, I was wondering if you have a way to get rid of this…
The issue is when sitting amongst friends, while they chat and laugh and stuff, I just sit there looking “gormless” as they put it :( and I smile every now and then…and talk every no and then…but not like them…
-Dave
First of all Dave, let me introduce you to the number one rule of social interaction. It is this:
SMILE!
Smiling “every now and then” is not enough. Slap a stupid smile on your face and don’t take it off all evening. I was in Paris recently, out with a bunch of people whose language I didn’t speak. I had no idea what the conversation was about. So I just smiled. All the time, no matter what. And guess what? People came up to talk to me. If you’re a fun person, people will work to include you in the conversation.
But it’s not their responsibility. It’s yours. If you want to be part of the conversation, then start talking! I talked about keeping a conversation going in my post How to Keep a Conversation Going. Pay attention, and jump in when you have something to say. Have the confidence to believe that your thoughts are valuable. Listen to other people. It’s easy to sit back and let the conversation just wash over you. Or you could put some effort in and become a better conversationalist.
It won’t happen overnight, but it happens faster than you would think.
Your thoughts?Traveling cheaply and intelligently April 6, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Links, Personal , 1 comment so far
Did you know that different credit card companies charge different fees for transactions abroad? I use credit cards as much as possible when I travel abroad. They’re more convenient, have historically had a good exchange rate, and are much safer than using a debit card or cash. (If you debit card number gets stolen, your bank has no obligation to refund you for your loss. Your credit card company, however, does.)
However, since 1999, banks have begun instituting foreign exchange fees on transactions abroad, ranging from 3% for Citibank cards down to 0% for Capital One (who absorbs the cost of the currency conversion). You could call each of your credit card companies to figure out their conversion fees, or you could check out the great site I just found, Flyerguide.
Flyerguide has info on all the rates charged by most credit cards and debit cards, as well as advice on Frequent Flyer programs, travel routes, hotels, and more. Turns out the 5% I get back on restaurants is enough to overcome Citibank’s additional fees, but the 2% I get back on groceries isn’t and I should keep using my credit union card at the grocery stores. A frugal frequent flyer - that’s me!
Your thoughts?Ask Niels: How do I overcome a fear of failure? April 5, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to, Other , 3 comments
I’m a great fan of the show, and I read your blog often. I am a nineteen year old guy, hoping I can muster up enough courage to go to school in August. I wanted to ask you a question.
You are obviously a bright and intelligent individual. How did you overcome your mental blockades and achieve the goals you wanted to achieve in life? The only reason I haven’t started my freshman year of college is because I fear I won’t have what it takes to make it in school. I was a painfully average student in high school, with a lack of motivation stemming from emotional trauma as a child and no real focus in life. A wise man once said, “You can’t make others happy until you’re happy with yourself.” and I feel I need to sort through some important things inside before I move on to the books.
You, with your perfect SAT score and pleasant personality, are a real role model for me. How can I overcome my issues and focus on the real task at hand?
-Nick
Hi Nick -
This is a really tough question, and a large part of the answer boils down to knowing yourself.
What do you want? Do you want the security of a corporate job, or do you want the freedom of working for yourself? Do you value your work or your relationships? What sort of impression do you want to leave on this world when you do?
I want to live a life that makes people want to write my biography. I want people to look at me and think, “How did he do that?”, then discover that my story is more incredible than they could have imagined.
Find what motivates you and start working toward it. If you don’t know yet, then take some time to figure it out. You don’t have to know for sure. In fact, it will probably take you years to decide. But you should have an idea general enough to know whether college is a necessary step toward that goal, and whether college is something you can do in the background while you continue your journey of self-awareness.
The other half of the equation is being able to take a step back and look at the big picture. You’re nineteen. Most of the decisions you make now are not going to have a large impact on your future. Your choice of college may affect you for a few years after graduation. If you enroll in college and fail out, you may struggle for a few years. But you will get a job and if you’re motivated, you’ll discover a new path to success. I’d bet you’d be back on your feet well before you turn twenty one.
Discover what motivates you and move toward it. Small steps will get you there eventually.
Your thoughts?