Signs a relationship is over April 29, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to, Other, Personal , trackback
Sitting in the water bus last night, I overheard the young couple next to me talking. They still had their suitcases and had clearly just arrived in Venice. The girl was doing most of the talking. “Look! That’s incredible.” “We’re finally here.” “This is so weird.” “It’s pretty at night.” The guy mostly just agreed and nuzzled her. “Look at that couple on the balcony,” she said. “It’s so romantic.” The guy just held her closer. “Do you think these balconies ever collapse?” she asked. “That would be awful.”
Despite their kissing, this relationship is over. And it’s blatant. Do you see it? She’s only in it for the money.
I listened and cringed. The girl was so dominant and the guy was so clueless. He could have come off so much more confident with just a bit of banter about how high-maintenance she was, or her being a peeping tom, or how she needs more romance and less death in her life. But instead, he just sat there lifeless and submissive as she continued testing him, hoping for some kind of a confident response.
Those fifteen seconds of conversation laid out the entire relationship. She’s probably the hottest girl he’s ever dated, he doesn’t know how to handle her, and he’s paying for this trip to Venice because he thinks that’s how to keep her. And in a way he’s right, but the money he’s likely hemorrhaging on her is only prolonging the inevitable.
Was I jumping to conclusions? Perhaps a bit hasty? The ticket collector came by ten minutes later and without a moment’s hesitation the guy pulled out his wallet and paid for both tickets. It was like a reflex reaction.
The kisses they were stealing during the ride couldn’t hide the fact that the relationship is doomed. And I’m afraid it’s going to be an expensive lesson.
Comments»
Sorry I don’t see it. I think you’re reading way too much into this. Just because he took her to Venice doesn’t mean she’s in it for the money, maybe it was their honeymoon or her birthday. Just because the girl talks a lot and he’s quiet doesn’t mean she’s dominant, maybe he’s just not a talker or he was tired. Telling a woman she’s high maintenance or a peeping tom is just being a jerk, it has nothing to do with confidence.
Yeah, I have to disagree with you there also. Yes first impressions say a lot, but it doesn’t give to the whole story.
Maybe, the girl wanted him to talk also and is trying to find an outlet for him to say something.
Maybe, if he does pay for everything, she feels as though she is worthless and needs a way to be confident.
Maybe, for the same reason stated above from Denise.
Personal experience… I think that’s why I’m offended. I went out with a guy who paid for everything. I tried to pay for things, but he wouldn’t let me. I would try to talk to him and he just ignored me even when I discussed communication problems with him. We both loved each other, at least I know I did and still do. But our relationship was doomed b/c of the lack of communication, his dominant personlity b/c he had more money than me, and many other factors.
Just saying, there are always more sides to a story than just one point of view.
Charlene - I’ve had similar problems. Once a guy cancelled a date because he had an unexpected doctor bill and couldn’t pay for the date, so I told him I would get it this time and he could get it next time; well, the way he acted you would have thought I just cussed him out. I also had a boyfriend who bought me everything(which was very uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to say anything and hurthis feelings), but he ignored me, always had something more important to do than spend time with me, and when I did see him his best friend was always with him.
Dude, maybe he’s seeing another womanon the side and tis tri is his way to extract all the return from his investment ( so to speak) before selling it short?
Anyway.. a more poignant question. Do you believe that its possible for a man who is wealthy , cocky , witty and charming and confident to keep a woman who is dating him just for the money?
“tis tri”=this trip.
wow you heard 2 minutes of a conversation and think she’s only it in for the money? sounds like she was hot and you were just jealous of him.
There are some really interesting things in Blink that talk about judging a situation based on very little data. But, I question the data you are basing your judgment on. And I question the expertise you have to judge it.
I would caution people against worrying how they come off to their partner. The whole point of being in a relationship is to get real… to shed what ever mask we wear and just be ourselves. I thought a lot of your work was about getting real with others, not building up the mask. For those that are shy, you don’t have to be the life of the party, but you want to be comfortable talking to a member of the opposite sex.
I don’t know about you, but I stop being myself and real when I’m worrying about how I come off. And if there is love, anything is possible. So, the relationship isn’t “over”, maybe just in need of some love and support. :)
I don’t understand your reading of the situation at all, maybe she’s just more of a talker than he is? Especially since they apparently just got there, I’d be talking about every little thing I saw on the street. Sounds to me she was just happy and excited to be in this beautiful place and speculating out loud about people who have balconies… I talk about that kind of thing all of the time, wondering out loud.
I knew one couple in college, the guy was more the “strong, silent type” and the girl was chatty, chatty, chatty. It really worked well for them, because she liked talking and he preferred listening. They both were happy. They were probably attracted to each other because of their difference.
Lots of women I know get moronically chatty when they want a guy to like them. They especially go on and on about things that impress them, wanting a guy to know they are easy to get along with AND appreciative. And then when they realize they are going on and on they suddenly change the conversation to a question to try and include him in it.
And maybe he was just tired and horny and didn’t want to waste his jet lagged energy on anything but taking her back to his hotel.
But guys you have to understand, some people called a honeymoon, some people called it a vacation.. unless they’ve been weds for like 5+ years I don’t understand why such little communication was involved. A trip is about having fun, and if one partner isn’t talking at all, it’s either showing he’s STILL shy around the girl after paying for the trip or he just isn’t interested enough to talk to her. And doesn’t seem like he’s tired at all with his described “lighting reflexes” at paying the bill so yea, I think Niel is on to something.. help is definetly necessary here.
And even if we assume he’s just “shy” I know he doesn’t act like this around guy friends. I mean basics 101 if you can’t get friends of your same gender, it’ll be hard as hell to get friends the opposite gender. And vice versa for communication. Yes show your true side in a relationship, for it can show whether you guys were made for each other, need some external help, or just not a good match. In this case I don’t think the man is as quiet as he is around guys, and furthermore even if he was, a chatty girl vs. a man willing to pay for a trip and still quiet=not the quite equilibrium match.
I think that without actually being there, you guys have a much much smaller picture of the tone and body language and other bits of the 90% of communication that is non-verbal. I know Niels is good at picking up on these things and his observations seem good.
The main thing here is that the guy didn’t seem at all enthused about the trip they were on, and unless she paid for the trip, he should care just a little more. I am guessing the trip was her idea and he just submissively went along with.
Oh and Denise, banter and teasing is not being a jerk.
yeah..probably jumping into conclusions..i feel that 15secs of conversation won’t be able to tell much..like you said..they clearly just arrived in Venice..maybe that guy’s just tired and don’t wanna talk much.. =)