Flirting for math geeks March 20, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Links , trackback
Ah, I remember spending years as a dateless engineer. Sometimes the only way to keep from crying was being able to laugh about it.
Niels Hoven
they always said I was different…
Comments»
And? I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what your point is on this one.
Why is denise such a bitch?
Funny Pickup Lines (which Niels would probably advise you NOT to use):
Your eyes are as blue as windex.
Your parents must be retarded, because you’re special
You must be high jumper, because you make my bar rise
Your name must be Windex, because I can see myself in you
Your name must be Visa, because your body is everywhere I want to be
Your daddy must have been a terrorist, because you are the bomb!
You’re the one I’ve been saving this seat for
Nice legs…what time do they open?
Can I flirt with you?
I hope you know CPR, ’cause you take my breath away.
You’ve got 206 bones in your body. Want one more?
I’d really like to see how you look when I’m naked
I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue
If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning
If I were you, I’d have sex with me
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
If you were the last woman and I were the last man on earth, we could do it in public.
Baby, I’m an American Express lover. You shouldn’t go home without me.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock
Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all night long
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
[Grab her tush] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
Your daddy must have been a baker, ’cause you’ve got a nice set of buns
You must be a library book ’cause I’ve been checking you out
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet
You must be a parking ticket, cause you got fine written all over you
You remind me of a compass, because I’d be lost without you.
Your feet must be tired — ’cause you’ve been running through my mind all day!
You’re so hot, you must be real reason for global warming
You look a lot like my next girlfriend
Screw me if I’m wrong, but don’t you want to kiss me?
Hi, I’m Bill Clinton, but you can call me Bubba!
Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?
I’m new in town, can you give me directions to your apartment?
Do you have any Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc. in you? (She says: No) Want some?
Hi, how do you feel today? (She says: Fine) I asked how you felt, not how you look!
Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (She says: No) Wanna go upstairs and talk?
I know milk does a body good, but DAMN…How much have you been drinking?
If I gave you negligée for your birthday, would there be anything in it for me?
I hang out here to avoid the pressures of being a Kennedy
I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?
Excuse me miss, but I’ve always wanted to date a supermodel
Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
If I told you you had a beautiful body/chest, would you hold it against me?
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together
What good is inheriting 2.7 million dollars when you have a weak heart?
Do you believe in love at first sight…or should I walk by again?
I hope you know CPR, ’cause you take my breath away!
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib
Baby, you’re so sweet, you put Hershey’s outta business
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
How about you and me have a party - and invite your pants down
I’m a fertility god in some underdeveloped nations
Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re best a man can get!
I’m gay, straighten me out!
I’m joining the priesthood tomorrow
My roommate’s a sound sleeper!
You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute
Stand still so I can pick you up!
You’re so hot, when I look at you I get a tan
Can you catch? I think I’m falling for you
Take me drunk, I’m home!
Anonymous - I just wanted him to elaborate on this subject, his posts are suppose to help someone, but I don’t see how this is suppose to help someone, it appears as if it’s not finished. It’s fine that you think I’m a bitch, I take that as a compliment and I’m proud to be one, at least I’m nobody’s doormat.
BBD - Are you a comedian? Those are hillarious. Some of those are cute and could actually be used.
Denise: please remember that this is Niels’ blog and there’s more to Niels’ than just Dating Advice. (Having established that this is Niels’ blog, Niels’ ought to have the freedom to occasionally write about other things, because writing just about Dating Advice gets a bit … tedious after a while - not that I know that this is what Niels’ is thinking or anything.)
As for being the doormat; it’s all about compromise. Sometimes you have to let people step on you - other times, you get to step on other people.
If you refused to be stepped on a little, you may find yourself very alone.
(The key is determining how much stepping on goes on.)
In other words: Give a little, get a little.
PS - you know why Britney Spears shaved her head right?
(One point of view states that she did so because she was just so tired of her fans pretty much dictating her stardom - or in other words, she didn’t want to have to live up to her fans’ expectations.)
Let’s not have Niels go through a breakdown like that.
BBD - I know Niels can write about more than dating advice, but the title says “Flirting for math geeks” so it would make sense that that’s what he would talk about, but from what I read it doesn’t sound like it unless I missed something. I don’t believe that anybody should have to step on anybody for there to be a give and take. I heard Britney Spears was out of it when she got her head shaved, she could have been drunk or high, who knows. I don’t know what this has to do with Niels, he’s not exactly a celebrity(yeah he’s been on tv, but so have I and I’m not a celebrity either).
Denise: That’s exactly my point - you’re pretty stuck on being right all the time that you’re not approaching things from other people’s viewpoints. There are some things in this world worth fighting about or being “right” about. Is this one of them?
As for Britney - I already explained to you that the reason Britney had a meltdown was possibly because she felt immense pressure from her fan-base - so much so that it was interfering with her autonomy.
You (the fan) wrote that you didn’t get the point of Niels’ entry.
There may have been a point, there may not have been. It’s Niels’ entry, Niels’ blog - he can put up what ever he wants whether or not it makes sense to you. You ought to respect his autonomy in any case.
I don’t find that funny.
But i’m not a math geek.
I’ll laugh anyway.
hahahahahhahahahaha!
BBD - I see nothing wrong with wanting somebody to clarify and expand on something they wrote, and I seriously don’t think he’s gonna have a breakdown over this.
If you’re familiar with Feynman, you’ll get the joke.
If not, the entry was directed at math/science geeks anyway…
Sorry, never heard of the person. I was always terrible at math and science, that’s probably why I didn’t get it(I didn’t even know it was a joke, I thought it was one of those “read between the lines” thing and I wasn’t getting the point).
So to clarify…as much as you (and I, for that matter) don’t get Feynman…many math/science geeks don’t get (i.e. understand) serxual social dynamics.
I used to be an engineering major, and I left because I felt something tugging me away from the very anti-social atomosphere. I happened to be back at my alma mater this afternoon at the engin. department and saw a group of h.s. seniors touring the engineering department.
They were absolutely clueless. Just as I remember being.
Maybe AoA should be pre-req. for your B.S.E degree, Niels? LOL
Some might find this funny… :)
DNA Personals
I’ve been single-stranded too long! Lonely ATGCATG would like to pair up with congenial TACGTAC.
Menage a trois! Ligand seeks two receptors into binding and mutual phosphorylation. Let’s get together and transduce some signals.
Some dates have called me a promotor. Others have referred to me as a real operator. Personally, I think I’m just a cute piece of DNA who is still looking for that special transcription factor to help me unwind.
Highly sensitive, orally active small molecule seeks stable well-structured receptor who knows size isn’t everything.
There must be a rational way to meet a date! I’m tired of hanging out in those molecular diversity bars, hoping to randomly bump into the right peptide. I want a molecule that will fit right into my active site and really turn me on. I’ll send you my crystal structure if you send me yours!
Gene therapy graduate. After years of producing nothing but gibberish, I’ve shed my exons and am ready to express my introns. All I need is a cute vector to introduce me to the right host.
My RNA, I’m sorry I misread your UAAUAAUAA and inserted three tyrosines when you repeatedly asked me to stop. Something got lost in the translation. Please forgive me.
Naked DNA with sticky ends seeks kanamycin-resistant plasmid. EcoR1 sites preferred.
Uninhibited virus seeks reason to make me shed my coat protein.
This very selective oliogonucleotide has been probing for just the right target for long term hybridization.
Mature cell seeks same who still enjoys cycling and won’t go apoptotic on me. Let’s fight senescence together!
I’m a prolific progenitor with great potential for growth and self-renewal. Call me if you’re a potent hematopoietic factor who still believes in endless nights of colony stimulation.
I don’t always express myself on the surface, but I’m looking for a signal that you appreciate my complexity. Send me the right message that will penetrate my membranes, turn on my protein expression and release my potential energy.
Anon - Now that’s funny. Maybe I understand science more than I thought I did.
lol I thought it was funny. =)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I don’t know much about Feynman, but this comic strip certainly reminds me of the movie, “A Beautiful Mind” (which of course, is excellent, by the way) when Nash, the main character, is deciding on how to approach a specific woman who talking to her friends.
This is his exact quote -
“If we all go for the blonde and block each other, not a single one of us is going to get her. So then we go for her friends, but they will all give us the cold shoulder because no on likes to be second choice. But what if none of us goes for the blonde? We won’t get in each other’s way and we won’t insult the other girls. It’s the only way to win. It’s the only way we all get laid.”
Denise: You said “his posts are suppose to help someone, but I don’t see how this is suppose to help someone”.
“suppose”?
Why are his entries supposed to help someone (all the time)?
Anon- haha, I love it!
And Niels, I absolutely hate reading the fact that you had to keep from crying…you poor sweetie!
Thanks, glad you liked it. :)
LOL… thanx niels… reading it in the back office laughing to myself out of nowhere REALLY makes everything that i’m that much more crazy… lol
p.s. lol im a math geek so me laughing gets the point of ur post across :)
While we’re at NERD humor. Here’s the song
“So much drama in the PHD” by a phD student in CS at Stanford
Lets see how many references you can get
Yo, MC Plus Plus, my rhymes are so phat,
I’m PSPACE-complete but I’ll reduce you to 3-SAT.
My crew is so hard that we roll in NP,
And bitches dereference my pointer for free.
When I’m linear probing they’re like, “Damn that’s gigantic,”
I showed it to your mom and she used Hoare semantics.
She jumped like JNE up onto my erection
And I picked up that ho like straight garbage collection.
(”That’s right, mark-and-sweep on these nuts, bitch.”)
My lyrics get stolen by sucker MCs,
I gotta sign my rhymes with PGP;
But I keep on generatin’ like a CFG
‘Cause there’s so much drama in the PhD.
What’s wrong MC Plus Plus, am I making you nervous?
Even skanky fat hoes give you denial of service.
You’ll probably go to jail before you write your dissertation
So prepare your asshole for some internal fragmentation;
Penetration, as they fill it up with jism,
It’s too bad you aren’t closed under homomorphism.
Your problem, Plus Plus, is that your typing isn’t strict:
In ML my type is real and your type is ‘a dict.
I control my flow better than TCP,
I rep the west coast like Eazy-E,
You best not front if you can’t pass the GRE,
‘Cause there’s so much drama in the PhD.
My flow is so intense that I will overflow your buffer,
Corrupt your stack pointer makin’ all your data suffer.
I’ve got saturated edges but your flow is sparser,
Real gangstas sip on Yacc; instead you generate a parser.
While you’re busy poppin’ stacks I’ll pop a cap in your skull,
While you smoke your crack pipe I’m gonna pipe you to /dev/null.
I may not have a label but I rap like a star;
I’m an unsigned long int and you’re an 8-bit char.
Your mom circulates like a public key,
Servicing more requests than HTTP.
She keeps all her ports open like Windows ME,
Oh, there’s so much drama in the PhD.
DWORD to your moms, I came to drop bombs;
I’ve got more rhymes that San Jose’s got dotcoms.
I rep the Farm like 50 reps Queens,
With more power than multitape Turing Machines.
Blowin’ up the rap scene faster than factorial functions,
I’m dope like PNP transistors and I’ll saturate your junctions.
By the time you’ve rhymed one line, I’ve already busted ten;
You rap in exponential time and I’m big-O of log(n).
I run gmake and gcc,
And I ain’t never called malloc without calling free.
I’ll beat your ass until it’s colored like a red-black tree
‘Cause there’s so much drama in the PhD.
Thanks for that, ZeitGeist. I really needed to fall off my chair laughing.
Google”Monzy” + “Drama in the PHD” to hear the song. Pasting lyrics doesn’t do full justice to the beauty.