Niels Hoven

Dating resources for women? March 31, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Dating coach , 2 comments

I have an ex-nerd friend who follows your blog and myspace page; he mentioned that you were going to be in Phoenix this weekend as a dating coach. Naturally I was suprised, having watched Beauty and the Geek after meeting Pio at a jello wrestling party in Bethesda.

I was curious, is there an equivalent to the Art of Attraction, for women? And where do you plan on taking your Phoenix “students” out to practice these tricks of the pick-up trade?

-Dee

I think the reason Art of Attraction exists is because the average woman is more socially aware than your average guy. Most men are playing catch up. That said, there are a lot of similar resources out there for women. You’ve got The Rules, Christian Carter, Love Tactics, Why Men Love Bitches, Technique of the Love Affair, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, etc. However, I think the best resources for men (Art of Attraction and Art of Rapport) are better than the best resources for women. I’m in the process of reading The Rules right now, so I’ll be better able to comment in a few days.

As for Phoenix, we went to Fashion Square Mall. The nice thing about that mall is that women’s wedding rings are so huge you can see them from the other side of the building.

Your thoughts?

Ask Niels: How do I talk to a girl on a cellphone? March 30, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Ask Niels, Dating coach, How to , 9 comments

There’s a girl that’s in my financial accounting class that sits in front of me (not directly) thats real cute. In class she’ll ocassionally look to her right to see if i’m lookin at her, and most of the time i am haha. My teacher lectures for the most part so we can’t really talk, so I’ll usually wait until class is over to talk to her. But, my problem is when I do try to talk to her in the hallway she’ll already be calling someone on the phone. I’ve thought about just cutting in and be random, but I don’t want to be seem as a weirdass. So what should i do?

-c

Smile and say hi to her in the classroom before she gets on her cell phone. If you were approaching a stranger on the street, it would be trickier. You would have to do something like say “Excuse me.” Or gesture to her to lower her phone. This is something you know how to do already. If your car was on fire by the side of the road, you would figure out a way to stop someone and get them off their cell phone.

Fortunately, you don’t have to worry about that. Just say hi to her before she gets on the phone! Sheesh.

Your thoughts?

Ask Niels: How do I tell him what I want? March 29, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Ask Niels, Dating coach, How to , 18 comments

I am an attractive, witty, nice, sweet, blah, blah, on and on, twenty eight year old woman who is NOT looking for a relationship. I’m not saying forever, I am just saying for now. Now, I like to socialize. I get my “relationship/companionship” fulfillment from engaging in activities and conversation with both men and women, young and old. I enjoy going to social events and bars to talk with people of all types. However, my charming ways often backfire because it often leads men, (and some women,) to believe that I am looking for something more. This just happens to be who I am. What is the best and most ‘believable’ way for me to tell them I am not looking for anything, without them immediately think that I was hurt in a past relationship and am ‘scared’ to jump back in?

-Misty

Him: It’s fun talking to you!
You: It’s fun talking to you, too!
Him: Let’s grab a cup of coffee sometime!
You: Sure, as long as you’re ok with the fact that I’m not looking for a relationship right now.

It is not your responsibility to prevent someone from asking you for a date. It is only your responsibility to communicate your situation politely and decline politely if the other person is looking for something different. Most people will appreciate hearing this right away. The few who don’t and instead feel the need to psychoanalyze you are insecure whiners who are striking back over a rejection that didn’t even occur and by doing so are making it very clear that they’re not the kind of people you wanted in your life anyway.

So don’t sweat it.

Your thoughts?

Famous in Phoenix March 28, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Beauty and the Geek, Personal , 5 comments

Phoenix was a little ridiculous. Usually I get recognized a couple times a week. In Phoenix, it was a couple times an hour. I guess when it’s 105 degrees outside, there’s not much you can do but watch reality television.

I was asked for autographs for the first time, was mobbed by people every time I went out to a bar, and had ten year old girls scream when they spotted me in a mall. For the first time in my life, I had the experience of people in a bar watching me all night long, looking to see what I was doing and who I was talking to. Girls I didn’t know would come up to me and paw me and grind against me and generally molest me.

The funny part was, as much as it looked like attraction, it wasn’t. It was something else. More on that soon.

Your thoughts?