Ask Niels: How do I deal with rejection? February 28, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to, Other , trackback
I have another quick question. I am sure you can attest to this. what is the best way to deal with rejection. I approached a couple of guys over the past few years that i have been interested in and they all turned me down. Now if I were a guy and found out a girl was interested in me i would give her a chance. But what is up with the constant “not interested”, “oh there is a girl i like at home” etc. I dont believe all these excuses anymore and its making me uncomfortable so I then place blame on myself ie. how I look.
Some people don’t want to drive a BMW. Some people just want to drive a Ford. If they don’t want what you’re selling, find someone else who does. Just make sure your product is the best it can be. And you have to really believe that.
The other way to deal with rejection is just to get used to it. When I go out with students at night, we approach hundreds of people in a single night. And I’m not exaggerating. When you approach that many people, you make a lot of people smile. But you also get rejected a lot. And guess what? It’s not that bad. It’s not going to kill you. When you get rejected once a year, it really really stings. But when you get rejected 10 times in a night, it really puts things in perspective.
You could have 10 rejections in a row, but if they’re followed by one incredible conversation, you’re going home feeling great.
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It also depends on what your definition of rejection is. If a person already in a relationship or very interested in someone else, I wouldn’t consider them turning you down to necessarily be a rejection.
Even still rejection should be thought of as a positive learning experience rather than as a negative one that lowers your self-esteem.
ur cute
“a set back is a set up for a come back”
“… [R]ejection should be thought of as a positive learning experience rather than as a negative one that lowers your self-esteem.” -Tambo
Exactly… I didn’t like where Niels was heading in this blog.
You can’t just deal with the rejection aspect and assume you’re going to be successful in attracting mates. Sure, there is a bit of indirect success in that you gain self-confidence - which is a building block of being attractive. However, if you still flip the wrong switches, you won’t be much more successful than you are at the moment.
You can keep on approaching, failing, and figuring out where you went wrong. This is what some of the best pickup artists have done to this day. It is a very slow and intensive process.
You can keep on approaching, failing, and take home some desperate fluke. Trust me… you won’t feel any better about yourself in the future.
Or… the most efficient way is to use resources. These people have done the dirty work, so you don’t have to. Find CREDIBLE resources on the internet. Pick the brains of those who you feel can get you towards your goal.
You should definitely find some ‘inner game’ reference material. Approaching ‘a couple guys over the past few years’ doesn’t sound like a very confident person to me.
Yes both your inner and outer game need to be developed equally.
actives - you’re right, I kinda dropped the ball on this one. A big part of taking the edge off of rejection is the knowledge that I’m growing as a person at the same time. So what if someone doesn’t want to talk to me? I’m becoming a better person, and that’s more important.
Who is Tambo?