It’s not your height, or your hair, or your glasses… February 19, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Links, Other , trackback
My friend Eric at ApproachAnxiety.com had a recent post about physical limitations in dating and pickup. He included a moving passage from Short Person Support:
All men, at some point in life, get hurt. The majority of men get rejected. Most men get turned down by women, or left by women. Most men get rejected by a potential employer. All men struggle, at some point in life, in some way, irrespective of their height. Life is a struggle. Chances are however, if you are a short man, your shortness will be the reason you attribute to every attempt that you fail, and every hurt that you feel. The reason for this is simple. At some point in your history, your height was the reason that something went wrong. And after that, it was the easiest thing to blame. It may have stopped you asking the real questions that you should have been asking yourself. You were blinded by your height. But you were crippled, helpless, because your height was the one thing you couldn’t change.
People who feel helpless cannot help themselves, because, well, they are helpless. They are isolated, alone. And the short man, faced with this predicament, in a world in which he cannot speak about his problem, can become his own worst enemy. Introversion and self doubt set in. The short man can find himself locked in a prison, largely of his own making, though not through his own fault. The short man can only start the process of self fulfillment, and of liberation, when he can face the fact that other factors may have been involved. Bizarrely enough, he may have to start questioning himself on many other, more legitimate levels.
It’s so easy to blame your shortcomings on things you have no control over. “It’s worthless to try to improve myself because I’m too short to get the women I want.” “Men will never appreciate me because I’m so tall.” We come up with all kinds of creative excuses to avoid doing that which we fear - taking a good look at our own shortcomings and actively working to improve them.
I’ve worked with a student whose face, despite several surgeries, remained “unusual”-looking. And he had more heart and more balls than anyone else I’ve ever worked with. He approached girls in situations that would have intimidated instructors and ended up in great conversations. He’s my hero, and if I hear anyone blaming their relationship problems on being too short or too bald, I’m going to punch them in the face.
Comments»
punching people in the face.
classic
everyone has low-self esteem
i’m “thick”
some guys want a thin girl. i refuse to be anything smaller than a 10. men love me. personality rules
i was married. i was engaged twice. proposed to 3 times. its all about just being yourself. simplistic, commonly known
just be.
right?
You got to love yourself before you can attract anyone.
Also, if a man feels he has shortcomings and attributes his non-success due to his perceived negative trait, maybe he should review and change the impression/vibe he projects.
Let’s say he’s really short. How about he change his non-verbal communications (fashion, posture, tonality… etc) to override his shortness. The people watching him should notice first: ohhh successful, adventurous man in the room… then their 2nd impression might be… oh yeah.. he’s short.
I know my friend who has had crushes on short guys and have dated them…. so no reason for physical limitations as an excuse.
I pretty sure I’m good looking (either that or I have been lied to all my life), but insanely scared to talk to people I don’t know well. My observation is that a person’s attitude/confidence helps a lot.
Niels, I still think my disability has a lot to do with my still being single and no matter how much I try to improve myself it’s only gonna get me so far . So I guess this means you’re gonna punch me. I would think twice about doing that if I were you, if you punch me I’ll put my wheelchair on turbo speed and run you over :).
ur cute
”Niels, I still think my disability has a lot to do with my still being single and no matter how much I try to improve myself it’s only gonna get me so far . So I guess this means you’re gonna punch me. I would think twice about doing that if I were you, if you punch me I’ll put my wheelchair on turbo speed and run you over :).”
Its more serious to be a disabled women than a bald man, because the average man is more motivated by looks than the average girl. However there are deep guys out their and If you keep up your punky sense of humour and great attitude, you’ll find someone who loves you for you.
Cameron
Cameron, thanks, I’m happy you got the joke, I don’t really go around running people over with my chair on turbo speed(well, not unless they really mess with me).
alot of people come of with creative excuses like that cuz they hear other people talking about them. they hear themselves through other people, i know i have! i mean ive overheard guys four years ago saying i was ugly and fat, so by the time i got to highschool i was scared to talk to guys in fear of being thought of as ugly and fat but by freshman year those same guys that i overheard calling me fat and ugly came up to me and ASK ME OUT!but it was still stuck in my head…as i got older i realized that its not important what other people say about me its about how i view myself, how i carry myself in front of other people , and how i express myself in situations.I never dated those guys ( weren’t my type to begin)but i have dated guys whom i thought would think of me as ugly but since they asked me out i guess im their type right?hehe.i learned that you cant make excuses just cuz of your fear or rejection or humiliation , i mean sure you will get rejected and stuff but hey like they say “when you fall off the horse you get right back on”and you learn that there are people out there that go for BRAINS. Like i say “Beauty fades but brains are forever” so get out there and flaunt what your mama gave ya! hehehe