Niels Hoven

Ask Niels: How do I keep a conversation going? January 24, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Beauty and the Geek, How to, Other , 33 comments

My main problem with the opposite sex is that I am too shy to actually go up and talk to them. I’ve actually been dumped because my girlfriend said it was too awkward dating me because I am too quiet. In reality though I am not a quiet guy I am only quiet around girls if my guy friends are not around. Do you have any tips on how to get over this fear of talking to women and what to say while talking to keep them interested and what to say when you first go up and try to spring a conversation with a girl you don’t know?

-Adrian

Hi Adrian! You’ve asked the two most common questions out there: “How do I keep a conversation going?” and “What do I say to start a conversation in the first place?” Let me address the first question today, and I’ll delve deeper into the second later this week.

Most people think of conversation like a line. One person says something, the next person follows it, then the next person follows that. One after another, each statement leads to the next.

Thinking that way cripples you. Think of conversation as a tree. When you say something, cast a bunch of branches out there. Example:

Her: Do you have any siblings?
Bad answer: Yes, I have a younger sister.
Good answer: Yes, I have a younger sister. We weren’t that close when we were young, but we’re really close now. She came out to visit me in San Francisco last year and we spent all day at the zoo just talking.

The good answer branches off from the question. I’m throwing out lots of hooks for my partner to latch onto and follow up. She can talk about her own siblings, of course. But now she can also talk about anyone she wasn’t close with before and grew closer to. Or she can talk about San Francisco. Or visiting a relative. Or the zoo. Or someone she likes to talk to.

I’m giving my partner lots and lots of options for directions to take the conversation. And the best part of it is that she’ll pick the most interesting one! This ensures that your conversation stays fresh and fun. Maybe she has a hilarious story about visiting the zoo when she was nine years old. Now I’ll get to hear it. Look how quickly and easily the conversation went from a boring discussion about siblings to a ridiculous story about her nearly sneaking into the monkey cage when she was nine.

Give your partner permission to keep the conversation interesting!

Your thoughts?

Meet me in person on the Keith Ablow show! January 24, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Beauty and the Geek, Personal , add a comment

I woke up this morning to find this post on my Facebook fan club:

I currently work for the Dr. Keith Ablow Show and on Thursday, January 25, we are taping a show featuring much of the cast of Beauty and the Geek 3…

In studio will be Erin, Cecille, Megan, JennyLee, Nadia, Niels, Nate and Scooter.

If you can be in the New York area and would like FREE tickets to attend the taping, you can call (212) 664-3056 and reserve as many as you’d like.

You would have to be at 30 Rockefeller Plaza by 1:30 PM. Come check out the stars of the show!

(Side note: And if anyone wants to watch tomorrow’s episode with us, keep an eye on the blog. I’ll post the location of the viewing party as soon as I know.)

I can’t believe they’ve got PR guys keeping an eye on Facebook groups. It’s a whole new world.

But it makes me think: The fact the world is world changing so fast means I have a chance to change it myself.

Your thoughts?

Correction: two crazy stalker girls January 23, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Beauty and the Geek, Personal, Photos , 4 comments

Thanks, Desiray.

Your thoughts?

New York City, here I come! January 23, 2007

Posted by Niels in : Beauty and the Geek, Personal , 10 comments

San Francisco, I love you, but I’m headed to New York today! It’s going to be a great trip. I can’t wait to see all my friends from last summer. And that includes Union Square. Oh, Union Square, how I’ve missed you.

I’ll be spending the first few days hanging out with the rest of the cast from Beauty and the Geek. Watch us on the WPIX morning news this Wednesday! My schedule says I’ll be on at 7:40 am. We don’t have a venue for Wednesday evening yet. Any suggestions?

Plus, I’m staying on a few extra days after my publicity commitments end. I’ll be working at the NYC Art of Attraction workshop this coming weekend, so look for me. I’ll be the guy flirting with the cute girls…

Your thoughts?