Not everyone who wears pants is a man January 30, 2007
Posted by Niels in : Dating coach, Personal , trackback
On my way home from San Francisco airport I had a great conversation with my taxi driver. Twenty years ago, he dated a girl 18 years younger than himself. She was a stunning Russian goddess who stopped traffic wherever she went. But she was ugly on the inside, and he knew it. So he refused to marry her, three, four times, until one night in Vegas she got him drunk and they were married.
17 days later, they were divorced and he lost everything. He has since remarried and is blissfully happy with a new wife who is beautiful on the inside, but he paid a very expensive lesson.
There are women out there who are gorgeous on the outside and ugly on the inside. I’ve met a couple, courtesy of Beauty and the Geek. They have no expenses - their food, rent, and $10,000 diamond earrings are paid for by the men they “date”.
But I don’t blame the men, or even the women. That’s how the world works today. We are a generation of men without role models, a generation of men who know how to please a woman only by throwing money at her. There are no real men left.
Or as my driver told me, there’s a Russian saying: “Not every man who rides a horse is a jockey.”
We’re going to change that, though.
Comments»
sigh… i agree that “there are no real men left”. Sadly, its not going to be easy to change. Men will always throw money at girls like that. Oh, and chivalry is dead!
The cabbie’s story shows that most men have a gut ‘real man’…but their weakness is beautiful women - and in a way it shows how notoriously beautiful women know how to work it to play into some men’s weaknesses. So you might say not every man who wears pants is a man, but I say, not every woman who wears a dress is a lady. My xx gender isn’t perfect either.
If this is the case, Niels, and you have truly learned that physical beauty is only skin deep, why do you always talk about flirting with all the “pretty” or “cute” girls?
A.!!! I totally agree with you… It’s too bad he doesn’t seem to respond to these comments, though…
I totally agree with you there, Niels. But the struggle in understanding this as a girl is that while we know beauty can only go so far, we also understand that beauty is what piques interest in the first place. Even if the interest doesn’t last long on the part of the male, the beautiful girls are always the ones that they are willing to give a chance first. So…I guess it’s difficult to figure out how much value we need to put on our physical appearance. There isn’t really a definite answer, but we can always be striving to find it!
A, speaking for myself, of course, but I think this applies to most men: I look for a certain amount of beauty on the inside and the outside. Physical beauty is an indicator of health, which usually means the woman knows how to take care of herself, has a large support network, etc. Plus, it’s what I respond to on an immediate level. It’s just the way I’m built, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I will say I’m not a big fan of rating women on a scale of 1 to 10. It’s definitely more of a yes or no thing for me.
It is a good point, A. When I go out at night and during the course of the day, I am social with everyone. I want everyone I meet to have a better day because of me. At the same time, I’ve put a lot of time and effort into becoming the best version of myself I can be, and I want anyone I enter a relationship with to be an attactive person on both the inside and the outside.
That said, I did have a recent post that discussing the difference between “good looks” and “looking good”.
ur cute
Neils: “There are women out there who are gorgeous on the outside and ugly on the inside”
- what about men who are “gorgeous on the outside and ugly on the inside”?
- you seem to forget that we live in a society where both men and women can play very similar roles. women are just as capable of becoming “suger mommas.”
Niels: “We are a generation of men without role models, a generation of men who know how to please a woman only by throwing money at her”
- some men find pleasure in spending ridiculous amounts of money on women, in exchange for their company. in almost all cases, a “trophy wife” is used to exhibit a man’s wealth. so in essence, it’s reciprocal on both parties.
Niels: “There are no real men left”
- sure there are :)
It’s true that there are some really materialistic, self-centered, manipulative women out there but regarding their whole taking advantage of men thing, i place the blame equally on both sexes. I mean, seriously, it’s the guy’s fault for falling for that kind of crap in the first place. It’s their fault for throwing money at these women and letting these women walk all over them. The truth of the matter is, both sides are getting something out of this relationship; it’s totally mutuistic. THe men get a trophy beautiful girlfriend who they can parade around and the women get someone to spoil them. These kinds of things will always exist as long as there are shallow, superficial or materialistic people in the world; in otherwords i don’t think it’ll ever go away.
True, there will always be men that shower women with gifts and attention, and there will always be women ready to accept them. But, this kind of interaction between the sexes will usually not result in either party getting what they really want. Maybe the woman gets material things out of it, and the man gets sex, but those are only superficial things in the long run. They do not lead to the emotions and feelings that we humans stride to feel every day of our lives.
Plus if my personality is not enough to get a woman interested in me, than spending money on a woman not attracted to ME just feels like trying to somehow pay for a woman’s approval. The buying of gifts and spending of money and general act of men being nicer than usual to women they find attractive, seems way to manipulative to me.
I know what you mean, I hate these women, they make the rest of us look bad. People like this(men too)look good on the outside, but after you get to know them they become ugly on the outside too, they are no longer attractive because their looks don’t matter because of their attitude. I really don’t blame the men as much as the women. These gold digging women know what they’re doing and these poor unsuspecting men are just looking for a girlfriend/wife, but what they end up with is a high class hooker; this kind of behavior is really just high class legal prostitution.
“We are a generation of men without role models, a generation of men who know how to please a woman only by throwing money at her. There are no real men left.”
Interesting way of looking at things.
Question: What about pleasing a woman not for your own gain but out of compassion or understanding or friendship?
In a previous episode of BATG, you sent your friend Nate into the elimination room, while shedding tears as you acknowledged that he was your closest male friend in the mansion, and after ignoring JennyLee’s pleas to keep Nate around because he was a great friend and great guy.
If you cared enough about the friendship to shed presumably sincere tears, why didn’t you prioritize spending more time with your friend over trying to eliminate him for your own advantage?
Even if you didn’t care as much about Nate as your tears would seem to indicate, there’s a total lack of compassion for JennyLee. She deserved a consideration that was not about letting her have her way just because she’s a pretty girl, but rather about showing compassion for a person who’s trying to explore a growing relationship with someone she might really care about. Nevermind the fact that she was half the team and deserved a fair say in the matter.
In a previous post in your blog, http://www.nielshoven.com/2006/12/20/i-hate-how-fake-you-are, you talk about a Girl 3 who blocks you from enjoying a conversation with her friends, and you go on to criticize her for being insensitive. And that was just in a situation where you professed not to care about the girls beyond a light one-night conversation!
So, I agree with you that people should be more sensitive and considerate to others and I’m curious how you reconcile your ideas about insensitivity and integrity with your own behaviour in the mansion. I recognize that we don’t see the whole story on TV and that any amount of it could have been faked or misrepresented, but it doesn’t add up at all with what I’ve read on your blog.
Do you think “real men” try to win at any cost, without considering the consequences to other people?
I’d love to read what you think about this seeming incongruity, so that’s why I thought it might be interesting to call you out on it. And perhaps this will help you with “coming to terms with the fact that such insensitive people exist.”
Keep up the interesting blogging, and I hope it becomes more consistent too!
I got the impression that Niels didn’t fully understand where Jennylee was coming from, afterall, men think differently than women. Jennylee never did come out and say she had a crush on Nate and that she couldn’t stand it if he left. Not that it was her fault, it was just miscommunication. No offense, but sometimes when dealing with men, you have to spell it out for them.
i agree to a certain extent…it is, unfortunately, the world we now live in, where chivalry is almost nonexsistant and romance is dead…but there are a few real men out there…they just arent the richest, most good looking, or coolest ones…they are the ones who have something to offer from inside…who have a brain, a heart, and aren’t afraid to be who they are, cool or not
“Not everyone who wears pants is a man”
That is true– women can wear pants now, too!
Sadly, I think many men would rather spoil so-called beautiful girls than have a “real” relationship with a down-to-earth, more average looking woman. Shallow people run rampant in this day and age. My peers are all about sexual promiscuity, just trying to get as many notches on their belt as possible. The more attractive the notch, the better. It’s a real tragedy.