Ask Niels: I’m scared to talk to a stranger January 26, 2007
Posted by Niels in : How to, Other , trackback
I have the most problems approaching guys. I have issues with my personality/looks. I just kind of figure no guy will ever want to talk with me, let alone be attracted to me. So that leads to my lack of confidence in trying to meet guys. For example, when it comes to guys I want to meet in my lecture classes. There’s such a small chance I’ll ever be near them, so it’d be kind of weird to just go up and talk to a guy (in my opinion. now whether that’s true or not, i have no idea.).
-Jeanette
This is a great question, Jeanette. First of all, congratulations on asking for help in the first place. You’ve taken that huge first step of saying, “OK, maybe it is possible to improve my social skills, and maybe it’s worth a little effort to find out more.” Most people aren’t even willing to take that step.
I hear over and over again that the most common fear is the fear of public speaking. But I think that’s wrong. There’s an even more common fear that’s even more intense, and that’s the fear of approaching a stranger, the fear of rejection. But we never hear about this fear because it’s so intense that very few people overcome it. Whereas many people are forced into public speaking through work or school, most people are willing to put in whatever time and effort are necessary to avoid talking to a stranger.
The key is to move in the direction you want, but to take small steps.
- This week, make it a point to smile and say “Hi” to one stranger each day.
- Next week, smile and say “Hi” to five strangers each day.
- On week three, smile at five people a day and ask them for directions.
- Finally, on week four, smile at five people a day and ask them for directions. Then introduce yourself politely and ask their name. Ask how their day is going. And you’re having a conversation.
Not so bad, is it? A month in and you’ve talked to a hundred new people. Find a supportive friend and have fun with it.
Comments»
Hi Niels, I’m a big fan of yours! Go Blair! Hope you win
That’s great advice.
Niels, you rule. You probably have the biggest fan base out of everyone in Beauty and the Geek.
ur cute
Hi, Niels!
Dear “urcute”:
Usually I don’t pick fights, but you’re being real annoyance. If you have nothing to say, don’t say it at all. You’ve been posting the same comment over and over again! Yes, Niels is undeniably cute. You’ve made your point more than five times.
That’s all I have to say.
P.S. Stop mutilating the English language!
Leave ur cute ALONE. She obviously likes Niles to have said that. If you’re going to critcize someone, pick on someone else. And yes, Niels is HOT. Ahh.. that beautiful bitch.
dave, do u like to just pick fights in EVERY post? wth is wrong wit u? just let her say wat she wants to say. if its bothering u so much dont go on here and u will never get annoyed.
and if ur asking how i noe its u.. HELLO, its kinda obvious.
and yes, i agree wit ur cute. HE IS CUTE!
ur cute!!
Yeah, umm, just to let you know, I’m not Dave… *arches eyebrow*. He’s not the only one with opinions around here…
are you gay?
I don’t know if T is gay or not, but you sound like a right-wing conservative Republican.
urcute- lol :-)
Keep telling him, you’ll woo him eventually!