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If you don’t leave I’m going to call security! October 31, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Dating coach, Personal , 2 comments

It’s the second day of the Art of Attraction workshop, and the entire class is rocking Hotel Gansevoort, the hottest club in New York City’s meatpacking district. I see two girls sitting in the corner and send one of my students in with “Sorry I’m late”.He’s back 30 seconds later. The girls told him to get lost - someone had tried that line just a minute ago. Bummer. But no one blows off my students and gets away with it! Those girls are going to laugh and have fun if it kills me.“Think they’d like it if I went in with the same line?” I ask my student. He grins.

I walk over, pick up a chair, and slowly carry it over to the girls’ table. They’re watching me suspiciously. No smiles on their faces. Huge grin on mine. “Wait for it…” I tell them.

I sit down. I wait. I grin at them. “Sorry I’m late!” The one on the left glares at me. The one on the right is starting to smile, just a little. She gets the joke.

“You know how the traffic is on the bridge, and the boss didn’t want to let me leave, and I told him my friends were going to be upset, and the wife wanted me to pick up dinner for the kids….” I’m off and running, and the girl on the right is about to fall out of her seat laughing.

“Where’s the camera?” asks the laughing one.

“Cameras?! This is New York! People are just friendly here. We’ve got to get you two out more!” I tell her.

“Go back to your friends,” says the girl on the left.

“Oh, I’m way too shy to have friends,” I tell her, grinning.

“I see them over there laughing. You’re annoying us. Go away.”

I turn to the girl on the right, who’s still laughing. “Man, your friend does NOT like me, does she? Here’s what we’ve got to do. You’re going to help me explain that I was just fooling around…”

“Seriously, get out of here,” says the one on the left.

“Oh, c’mon guys. I’m really shy. When you talk to me like that, it’s like a little piece of me deep inside just dies.” I’m smiling for real now.

“Why don’t you go find us our waitress,” says the one on the left.

“Oh, waitresses don’t pay attention to me. I don’t think I could ever track her down.” I have a huge smile on my face. This is the most fun I’ve had all night.

The girl on the right is still smiling. “You’re really persistent!”

“Anyone this persistent can go find a waitress. Go find her,” says the one on the left.

“Man, you guys are just like the mean girls from highschool!” I say. “You must go out and be like, I’m not going to smile tonight, no matter what! No matter how hard anyone one tries, I … am… not… going…. to… smile! Oops! There’s a little smile poking through there! Oooh! I think she’s starting to laugh! Better watch out, your friend’s going to get mad at you!”

The one on the right is practically in hysterics, but the one on the left is having none of it.

“Look, we don’t want you here,” she says.

“Yeah, isn’t it tough? Well, we’re just going to have to make the most of a bad situation.”

“If you don’t leave, I’m going to call security,” says the one on the left.

Damn! The trump card. OK, she may have won this battle, but she hasn’t won the war.

“Sorry guys, I was just fooling around. I’ll catch up with you when you’re in a better mood. My name’s Niels.” I extend my hand to the girl on the left. She doesn’t take it. I leave it out there. She doesn’t move. I don’t move. Finally she shakes my hand. “What’s your name?” I ask her.

“Why should I tell you?” she asks.

I turn to the girl on the right. “I’m Niels.” “I’m Melanie.” “Cool. It was a pleasure to meet you, Melanie. I’ll find you guys a little later.”

I get up, but I’m not done. I work the room with my students, and for the rest of the evening, every time I pass the two girls, I make eye contact with the girl on the left and throw her a huge smile. I wink and point at her. I fake like I’m going to sit down, then grin at her and walk away. I pull faces.

An hour later, she’s laughing and making faces back as I walk past. I’m in. Unfortunately, I’m with students and the girls leave before I have a chance to sit down with them again, but I take consolation in the fact that I made their evening a little bit more fun.

Lessons learned:
1) Everything she does is cute.
2) Everything she does is cute.
3) EVERYTHING SHE DOES IS CUTE!

Your thoughts?

Welcome to Instructorville, population me! October 26, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Dating coach , 9 comments


After a brief but relaxing respite in California, I’m off to New York again. This weekend is another Art of Attraction workshop, and I will be making my debut as a full-fledged instructor!

This means several things. Most importantly, I get paid. It’s a pittance, but I guess I’m not technically unemployed anymore. More like irregularly employed. And I get to actually lead and teach exercises. I’m a little nervous, but mostly really excited.

I look back on how far I’ve come and can hardly believe it. A year ago, I didn’t even have a platonic female friend I could go dancing with. And now I’m giving advice to guys in Australia and flying to New York to teach dating and relationship skills. Most importantly, I’m genuinely happy.

It’s interesting, there are studies where people of all walks of life are asked how happy they are. It turns out that even things like winning the lottery don’t really change people’s levels of happiness. Sure, happiness goes up for a little while, but then it returns to its previous levels, despite the millions of dollars in the bank. However, the one thing that does appear to actually make people happier is sharing their life with someone special. Nowadays, all my relationships, with friends, with family, with girls, are stronger than I ever imagined possible. And I’m happier than ever.

Your thoughts?

Melbourne October 24, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Dating coach , 1 comment so far

Apparently, my Melbourne talk went well.  I’m not really sure - it started at 4:30 in the morning and for some reason I don’t really remember it. 

Mate,
That was a good talk and most of the guys loved your talk. Most stayed well after that. It was a great turnout and will let you know about the audio recordings

Thanks for sharing some of your personal stories… It’s a real treat…

Ha. If you had asked me a year ago what the odds were that I’d be leading a teleconference, dispensing dating advice to a bunch of guys in Australia, I probably would have laughed in your face.  Even now, it’s pretty funny.  Life does throw some curveballs.

Your thoughts?

Exhausted October 23, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Dating coach , add a comment

I returned to California Wednesday evening.  By Friday morning I was once again helping out at the Art of Rapport workshop.  I’m drained.  Three days of teaching guys to open up emotionally to the people they care about.  AoR is an emotional roller coaster and I’m ready to just crawl into a corner and fall asleep in the fetal position.  I don’t need to talk to anyone else for the next week.

Unfortunately, I’m giving a teleconference to a group in Melbourne, Australia at 4am tomorrow morning.  Oh well, such is life.

Your thoughts?

Price adjustment October 20, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Personal , add a comment

Q: How do you make Californian life affordable?

A: Spend three months in New York beforehand.

Holy cow things are cheap here!  I went grocery shopping to restock my shelves and spent like $50!  Tons of fruit, tons of veggies.  I’m going to be so healthy.  And the weird part is that I can eat out for under $10.  After hemorrhaging money for twelves weeks I’m way too used to dropping $20-$30 on a dinner.  I’ve got to get myself back into poor grad student mode.  Actually, I’ve got to go above and beyond poor grad student mode as I’m technically unemployed now.  Those who know me, prepare to see a level of cheapness you never before knew existed.

Your thoughts?