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Busted routines September 19, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Dating coach , add a comment

My friend Deepthy knows I teach “dating skills” so we spent a recent dinner trading dating horror stories.  Apparently, she’s met a lot of weirdos.  For example, there was one guy who came up to her in the middle of the day and asked for her opinion on something completely random.

“Ooh!  Let me guess!” I said.  ”Was it who lies more?”

“No…”

“Black nail polish?”

“No, it was this long involved thing…”

“Oh, would you date a guy who was good friends with his ex-girlfriend?”

“Oh my God!  How’d you know?!  But there was this long story where his new girlfriend…”

“…found a box of photos under the bed?”

“OH MY GOD!  How’d you know that?  He was really weird.  He just came up to us and asked us this question that it didn’t look like he even believed.”

Later on she told me about some guy who wandered up to her and told her some story about a warrior and a princess.  I told her the 100% Perfect Girl story.  ”Oh my god!  How’d you know that?!”

She’s been cubed, too, of course.  (”Oh my God!  How’d you know about the storm?!”)  It’s all too funny.  Because none of it worked. Because routines aren’t magic.  They’re just stories you like to tell.  It’s you she has to be attracted to, not the stories.  Routines, should you choose to use them, are a tool to display how attractive you are.  Don’t be the guy who tries to become more attractive by acting like some “pickup guru”.  Don’t be the guy who builds an elaborate facade of robotic routines to hide his insecurities.

Be the guy who becomes more attractive by having the courage to improve himself.  Be confident enough to recognize your shortcomings and then fix them, don’t just hide them.  Become a more attractive version of yourself, not somebody else.

It’s a fun journey.  Take the time to enjoy it.

Your thoughts?

Still an introvert September 16, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Dating coach, Magazine , 7 comments

I met a couple female friends of Deepthy’s today.  We had dinner at Nobu (fancy-schmancy!) and went bar-hopping for the rest of the evening.  They were really interested in my work as a dating coach and the magazine idea.

They reminded me that there’s an untapped market out there.  We teach men how to become more attractive so they can meet new women, and we teach them the relationship skills to maintain a quality relationship with them.  A lot of guys who come to our workshops have been through divorces and want not only to start dating again but also to learn the skills to make sure it never happens again.  But we shouldn’t be just targeting the guys who have been through divorces.  Guys in relationships need to know how to keep that spark, how to keep their partners attracted.  We should be helping guys before the divorce occurs.

Our magazine needs to address that also - how to keep the fire in your relationship.  I’ve been promised some media coverage in New Orleans when we finally launch, which will be great.  Once again, it’s all about who you know.

I had a great evening.  I really connected with some new friends and some quality flirting occured out at the bars.  But I’m home now and I’m exhausted from being “on” all night.  I’m jealous of my friends who are extroverts and are energized by social interaction.  It still drains me.  Not as much as it used to, which I find really encouraging, but there’s no question that I’m still an introvert.

Your thoughts?

Who you know September 15, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Magazine , 4 comments

It’s not who you know… it’s whom you know.

None of our current progress would have been possible without other people’s help.  Craig and I have gotten really frustrated at times because there’s so much to learn about publishing and we’re coming in at ground zero.  Yesterday we talked to a professor at Northwestern who told us that advertisers won’t even talk to us until we have 200,000 subscribers.  How are we supposed to get 200,000 subscribers?  With a 5% response rate, we’d have to send out 4,000,000 pieces of direct mail.  We don’t have $4 million dollars! 

Will Pearson and Mangesh Hattikudur founded the magazine Mental Floss while they were still students at Duke.  We talked to Will this afternoon about the business side.  Will pointed out that the traditional magazine model is becoming outdated.  Traditionally, magazines give away their magazines for next to nothing, building a huge subscriber base to sell more advertising.  Will had some great insights into the new magazine paradigm he sees - basically creating content good enough that people are willing to pay for it.  They have hardly any advertising and grew organically through guerilla advertising rather than huge, expensive direct mail marketing campaigns.

Then this evening Mangesh happened to be in New York City so I met him for dinner.  Both founders in one day - not bad!  Mangesh gave me some great info about the editorial side - developing the voice of the magazine, finding freelancers, and creating content.  I learned we need to get an attorney and an accountant soon.  It’s also time to order Samir Husni’s book.

Your thoughts?

In association with Amazon September 15, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Links , add a comment

Sweet! Buy stuff!

Your thoughts?

More than a dream September 13, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Magazine , 3 comments

If I remember correctly, the idea for the magazine came up as Craig and I were driving around Seattle.  “Hey, that would be a cool magazine,” we said.

We looked into it a little more, talked about the types of articles we would have, made a list of people to contact.

I went back to New York, ordered some books off Amazon, and sent out a few emails.

And then everything hit the fan.

Everyone we’ve contacted has been ridiculously enthusiastic.  Craig and I made a list of our “dream team” advisory board, and so far even our longshots have been coming through.  Talking to random people on the street in New York, everyone has a cousin or a friend in publishing whom they want to put us in touch with.  An amazing graphics designer with magazine experience fell in our lap outside Barnes and Noble.  Every day this silly idea becomes more and more real.  This is actually going to happen.

Incredible.

Your thoughts?