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I smell bullshido! July 19, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Life, the universe, and everything , 10 comments

I spent four and a half hours today at a pressure point school. My brain feels like it’s going to explode from frustration.

It’s not that pressure points don’t work, but in the adrenaline rush of a real fight, you lose your fine motor skills. It’s even worse than the people who say they’ll just gouge the eyes and end the fight. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a clean shot to someone’s face, let alone target the eyes? Do you know how many hours a day boxers train in the hopes of landing one solid shot to the face? How are you going to hit the fifth small intestine point under the left nostril in the chaos of a bar fight?

About half the stuff the instructor said was really good info, stuff that totally aids a lot of my Brazilian jiu jitsu moves. But the other half was complete bullshit. I must have stood around for half an hour while he poked and prodded various pressure points on my head, neck, and legs that just “didn’t work” on me. Dude, I’ve had 350 pound fatties lay their entire weight on my windpipe. Feel free to keep poking if you like, but it’s not going to get you anywhere.

The instructor went around to each of the students in the class. First he had them lift him off the ground. Then he touched a pressure point in their neck and told them to try again, only to watch them whimper in pain and fail miserably (including a 400 pound power lifter!). When it was finally my turn, he relaxed and I lifted him off the ground. Then he poked me in the neck and I lifted him off the ground. Then he poked me harder and I lifted him off the ground again. Then he poked me in the throat and I lifted him off the ground. “But look how hard his pulse is going!” he said. Dude, I just squatted your weight like five times in a row!

Later he asks me how I pass the guard, so I show him a standing guard pass. That’s all well and good, he says, but check this out. And he drives his elbows into my thighs. How many white belts have I laughed at for trying that shit on me? I was nice enough not to try and choke him.

Of course, then he drove his fingers into my femoral crease and my legs popped open like a Pringles can. That was cool. 50% good stuff, 50% bullshit.

The problem is the students don’t train again resisting opponents, so the bullshit never gets weeded out. If they actually tried sparring, they’d realize how hard it is to catch someone’s hand off a punch, to crash the line and poke some pressure point under the nose.

Oh, evidently the nose, the neck, and the jaw are all pressure points, so you should try to hit them. There’s a newsflash.

Again, lest my point be missed, some of the pressure points are good stuff! I was shown some really cool things today that I might even be able to incorporate into my game. But I have a delivery system. Muay thai, Greco-Roman wrestling, and Brazilian jiu-jitsu are super-effective delivery systems for standup, clinch, and ground. They allow you to control your opponent’s body and put him in uncomfortable situations. Once I’ve locked in a tight side control I would happily use a pressure point to lock in an Americana more easily. But if the students never train with resistance, they’ll never develop the timing and distance necessary for an effective delivery system.

And fighting is all about timing. It’s not about knowing more techniques. Muhammed Ali wasn’t a great boxer because he threw spinning hurricane backfists. He threw a jab, a cross, a hook, and an uppercut. But he had really, really, really good timing. And he developed the timing by sparring fully resisting opponents day in and day out.

The instructor claimed they train with resistance and gave me a quick demo. I almost laughed. He was playing open handed slappycake with his student, who responded by backing up, cowering, and covering his head. I put the student’s odds of crashing the line at slim to none. Not to mention that the students in the class didn’t even know how to throw a punch. Instructor says “hook” and they throw a wild haymaker with their rear hand.

The low point of the evening, the point when I realized things couldn’t possibly get any worse, was when the instructor came up to me in front of the class. The instructor holds his hands up in front of his face. “This is how boxers stand.” Then he moves his hands way out to the side so his face is wide open. “Now what would you do if I held my hands like this?” I tell him I’d throw straight down the middle and punch him in the face. “Exactly!” he says. “See, now I’m dictating the terms of the fight! I know exactly what you’re going to try to do and I can plan accordingly!” I hope he’s planning to smash my fists with his face, because he’s not about to have a whole lot of choice in the matter.

So you have a class full of students who can’t block a punch practicing pressure points, defending themselves at half-speed from their classmates who can’t throw a punch. No wonder they think this might work on the street. This is the kind of shit that gets people killed.

Your thoughts?

That new sock smell July 18, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Personal , 1 comment so far

I just bought a six-pack of Hanes Cushion Ankle socks.  Evidently sock technology has come a long way since I last bought socks, because these socks come in a ziplock bag.  The bag even trumpets this fact in large letters: “RESEALABLE BAG”.  Why do socks need a resealable bag?  Do they go stale?  All these years, have my reckless sock care habits been standing between my socks and their fullest potential?

Your thoughts?

Lunch hour lessons July 17, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Personal , 5 comments

It’s hard to start a conversation with strangers.  It’s especially hard when the strangers already know each other and you’re the odd man out.  But there’s a secret.  I’ve been hearing this for ten months and I’m just barely beginning to internalize it:

People like talking to strangers.

Imagine yourself eating lunch with your friends.  You’re having the same boring conversations you have everyday.  “So what did you do at work this week?”  “Any plans for the weekend?”  “Nice weather we’re having, huh?”

Then a stranger sits down next to you with a big smile on his face: “Hey guys, I’m ___.  Is this the best meatloaf you’ve ever had or what?  All it needs are some walnuts like my mom’s meatloaf and it would be perfect!”  Boring topics are forgotten - there’s someone new talking about something new!

I just started a new job, and I don’t know anyone.  I could have eaten lunch today in my office and surfed the internet, but instead I sat down at a table full of strangers and introduced myself.  And guess what?  They were happy to meet me!

Your thoughts?

I live 3000 feet from Sing Sing prison July 13, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Personal , add a comment

Mom, if you’re reading this, that’s a typo in the title.  Did I say Sing Sing?  I meant “candy shop”.  I wonder if there are tours…

Your thoughts?

When liking yourself is a load of crap July 12, 2006

Posted by Niels in : Other , 10 comments

“I like who I am and I don’t care what other people think.” This is a very American sentiment. It comes in all varieties. “I am who I am and eventually I’ll meet someone who appreciates me.” “If someone can’t accept me for who I am, they’re not worth knowing.” It’s a display of self-confidence that can overshadow all sorts of weirdness.

You see this on talk shows a lot. “Yeah, I dress up like a stuffed animal and sell my body to fund my collection of antique sex toys, but that’s who I am and if someone can’t appreciate me for me, that’s their problem.” And the audience applauds.

But the people who say this are covering up. Humans build up their happiness and sense of worth though our relationships. Like it or not, humans are social animals. For tens of thousands of years, we have depended on our relationships to succeed in life. Strong relationships necessitate caring about and understanding how other people think.

If how others see us is so intrinsic to our self-worth, who would claim that they don’t care about others’ opinions? I believe these claims are a false display of confidence by those unwilling or unable to accept their own shortcomings.

For many seeking control of their lives, this is the easy way out. “I am in control of my relationships. I’ve chosen not to care what other people think, and that’s why I don’t have any friends. It has nothing to do with my lackluster social skills.” True confidence is the ability to accept your shortcomings and take action to correct them. To say “I lack the ability to build the social life I desire and need outside help to improve my social skills” is far more difficult, but the person with the courage to seek out that help will find himself much better off six months in the future.

Invariably, it is the people in my life with low self esteem who demand that the world accept them for who they are or cling to the fantasy that they will one day discover an amazing partner who embraces their shortcomings. But from my perspective, it’s unreasonable to hope to find a partner with their life together who’s excited about accepting your unresolved issues into their own life.

Your thoughts?